AS plans are set for Dirty Den's return to Soapland, the question must be asked: is there room for a double dose of Dirty-ness in Albert Square?

Dirty Den the Second, alias Dennis Rickman, is being bad enough for both of them in EastEnders (BBC1). Of course, he might be in need of a rest soon considering the way he's working his way through the lovely ladies of Walford. He's moving so fast through the list that it can't be long before Pauline and Dot become the object of his affections.

Snogging old flame Kate was, perhaps, a mistake considering she's moved in with Thugs 'R Us representative Phil Mitchell. A kiss is liable to earn him a good smacking when Phil returns from Rio and catches them.

As for Dirty Den the Second's half-sister Vicki Fowler, unfortunately the deportation order hasn't come through yet, although Sharon is doing her best to get rid of the irritating little madam. Her patience finally runs out when she discovers that Vicki hasn't been doing her best to get a job. So she arranges a job interview at the local Minute Mart store. Not the best move as this is the place that Vicki and Martin the tallest man in Soapland broke into the other week.

Then, when Sharon gives her one last chance, a bar job at Angie's Den, she blows that by drinking and dancing instead of working. At which point, Sharon's trembling lips go into overdrive. She tells Vicki to start packing her bags and go home to America. Hooray! Alas, our joy is short-lived. The minx has one last trick up her sleeve - or rather, up her jumper. She declares that she's pregnant, an announcement carrying eerie echoes of when her mother Michelle got pregnant with her by Dirty Den the First.

Oh, what a tangled web they weave in Soapland. Baby worries too for Lynne. She's concerned that husband Garry is going to become involved in the life of his unborn baby - which, inconveniently, is being carried by Laura not Lynne. Even nice steady Derek is in trouble. A drunken night out with an old schoolfriend ends with the long arm of the law being put firmly on his shoulder.

Devious Dev is still trying to woo Sunita into marrying him in Coronation Street (ITV1). He's even shaved off his new beard in an attempt to make her think he's a different man. Don't do it, girl, is my advice. And she probably won't after seeing who's come knocking on her door again. Why, it's runaway sailor Ciaran, the Irish boy band refugee. He returns to Weatherfield to claim Sunita, who's more wanted than water in the middle of the desert. Round at Underworld, Joe the man with the six o'clock shadow looks like getting away with his dastardly plan to rob Mike Baldwin of his business - but only if his moll Karen keeps quiet. Her conscience is troubling her, as well it might, and she's on the verge of telling all.

Poor old Ashley could be looking for a new nanny after Claire offers her resignation when confronted about her boyfriend. His poor child is bound to grow up with serious problems, what with a murdered mother, absent biological father and stalker nanny.

The good folk of Emmerdale (ITV1) seem to have a large number of health fears. Marlon is depressed, Ollie is having mood swings and Betty's not herself (which some may think is an improvement). Diane begins to suspect that Louise is harbouring romantic designs again. This woman changes men as often as most people change their underpants.

Down on the farm, flat cap Jack is worried - you can tell by the furrows in his brow - that Andy can't cope with the farm. And Soapland observers are worried that Jack is running around like a man without a storyline.

Published: 12/06/2003