Former Cosmopolitan editor Mandi Norwood's new book lifts the lid on modern marriage. She talks to Women's Editor Christen Pears.

FROM the sassy women of Sex and the City to Chardonnay-swigging Bridget Jones, we are obsessed with the single girl. We have peered into her mind and her bedroom, analysed her triumphs and disappointments. But now, a new phenomenon is taking her place - the married girl.

After years of writing about sex and the single girl, former Cosmopolitan editor Mandi Norwood has turned her attention to marriage. Her new book, Sex & The Married Girl, demystifies modern marriage, exploding the many myths that surround it and simply telling it as it is.

The 39-year-old, who grew up in Newcastle, became the youngest editor of a national women's magazine at the tender age of 25, before moving on to her first big mainstream title, Company. Five years later, she was appointed editor of Cosmopolitan and three years ago, she was poached by Conde Nast to edit Mademoiselle, one of America's most famous women's glossies, immortalised by Sylvia Plath in the Bell Jar. But at the end of 2001, the magazine was suddenly closed, leaving Mandi without a job and a commodity unusual in her hectic lifestyle - time.

"I ended up spending a couple of months reading and catching up with all my friends and it was fascinating," she says.

"People tend to say things in e-mail that they wouldn't say to you face-to-face and that's how the book came about. I was wandering round the supermarket and I thought, 'My God, somebody should write about this kind of stuff.'.

"When you're single, you're quite happy to talk about everything, down to the most intimate details but I tend to think when you walk down the aisle, the doors close and you're no longer willing to reveal things about your relationship. I think there are a lot of women out there who are married and not quite sure whether they're getting it right and are feeling a bit isolated. They really want to talk."

Sex and the Married Girl is a no-nonsense look at marriage, a guide to creating a successful marriage, but with all the intimacy of a raunchy girls' confessional.

Mandi interviewed more than 100 women aged between 23 and 45 from countries across America and the UK, gathering their opinions on everything from controlling money to being brazen in bed. Initially, she was concerned she wouldn't find enough women willing to talk to her but dozens came forward, all willing to share their experiences.

"When I first started, I didn't want it to be a pro-marriage book or an anti-marriage book. I just wanted to write about things as I found them but afterwards, when I went through it, I realised that it was actually a pretty positive book about marriage, despite all the challenges we face and the miserable divorce statistics.

"I think what I was most surprised by was that I interviewed over 100 women and I therefore experienced over 100 different marriages and that is the point. Today, marriage isn't static, dreary and one dimensional. It's a very fluid, organic and malleable institution."

Women today are very different from their grandmothers, even mothers, and the power structure within marriage has changed. As women have grown in confidence and become more powerful, men's sense of identity has been systematically eroded. They are no longer certain of success at work, on the sports field or even at home.

According to Sex & The Married Girl, the modern married woman isn't afraid to put herself first, she's confident and powerful and apparently has much better sex than her single friends because she knows what she wants and asks for it.

"Women go into marriage because they want to, not because they necessarily need to. They will invariably have a job or a career under their belts, will possibly have travelled and have had a number of sexual experiences. They have a sense of identity that is very well formed and they are very reluctant to relinquish that. Marriage is the union of two equal shareholders. There are still women who stay at home to look after their children but that is usually by choice rather than circumstance."

Mandi's own experiences reinforce her findings. Although happily married to Martin Kelly and with two daughters, Rosie, ten, and Daisy, seven, she has continued to pursue her ambitions and has retained her own identity.

She has always been the major breadwinner, sometimes sole breadwinner, while Martin put his career on hold to look after the children.

The couple still live in New York, where Mandi is considering ideas for a couple more books. She is also working on a new magazine project with the publisher of Harper's Bazaar, which she hopes to launch at the beginning of next year.

It's a far cry from her childhood in the North-East, where she took on dozens of part time jobs while dreaming of being the editor of a glossy women's magazine.

But while her book has become a celebration of marriage, she wasn't always so keen on getting married herself. Her mother, aunt and grandmother were all divorced and Mandi reached adulthood believing marriage was a painful, waste of time. Meeting Martin changed her opinion and her research for the book reinforced it.

"Marriage isn't always easy. All of the women I interviewed faced challenges but they were all making their marriages work. Four out of ten marriages end in divorce but that means six out of ten couples are making them work. Far from being outdated, modern marriage is a dynamic institution."

l Sex & The Married Girl by Mandi Norwood is published by Hodder & Stoughton, £10.99.