I am officially old - or at least too old to be shopping in the High Street stores that have been my second home for the last 15 years.

Looking in really trendy shops these days is like being transported to Lilliput.

Everything is tiny, made for life-size dolls who weigh no more than seven stones and have no qualms about showing off more of their body than they cover up.

It's not that I disapprove of crop tops or short skirts, but if you want to look fashionable and live an active life you haven't got a chance.

Take the oh-so-hip micro-minis - ranging from six inches long to a (massive) 11 inches.

Famous names including Kylie, Geri, Cat Deeley and Jordan have all been seen out in the tiniest skirts and the High Street shops have been quick to jump on the bandwagon.

But there's one crucial thing to mention - none of those stars were actually seen moving in these itsy bitsy skirts because it is virtually impossible to do more than shuffle in the latest thigh-high fashion.

If you have perfect pins and are happy to stand still in a pub all night then you will probably already own a micro-mini in one of this season's hot colour.

But if you like dancing, sitting or even just walking you don't stand a chance.

If you manage to find a skirt that covers your decency and doesn't show off too much cellulite you will have to literally stick it to your legs if you don't want it riding up throughout the day.

The laughable thing is shops have dared to pair off these tiny skirts with smart jackets suggesting you could wear them for a day at the office.

It's true you might get noticed at the next board meeting if you turned up wearing a belt for a skirt but believe me you'd be grabbing the boss's attention for all the wrong reasons.

Meanwhile climbing stairs, mending the photocopier or just sitting at your desk would be a challenge worthy of the Krypton Factor.

Maybe this is all just a sign that I'm getting too long in the tooth for fashion and should be heading off to M&S for a comfy cardigan and some of those foot glove shoes that you could comfortably walk over hot coals in.

But there's still a voice in the back of my head telling me if famous women in their late 20s can get away with it so can I. So don't be surprised if you fall over me in a communal changing rooms this weekend.

I'll be the one lying on the floor trying to shoe-horn herself into a tiny piece of lycra while covering her dignity with a pair of 80 denier tights and Bridget Jones' knickers.

Published: 22/07/2003