CHILDREN, children, please let's have some peace... Yesterday was yet another bumper episode in the soap opera that has become the Kelly affair.
The plotlines included the chairman of the BBC board, Gavyn Davies, claiming that the BBC's independence was under threat and Culture Secretary Tessa Jowell immediately accusing him of "inflaming" the situation.
Another Government minister, Peter Hain, weighed in and accused the BBC of "sexing up" its reports - words unlikely to put out any flames.
Then there was the gossip, which sounds as reliable as what you would hear in the snug of the Rovers Return. We were told that Defence Secretary Geoff Hoon once bumped into Dr David Kelly in the staff canteen at the Ministry of Defence, where both men worked. We were also told that Dr Kelly had words in October with a fellow member of his Baha'i faith - but no one is quite sure what he meant.
The problem with this soap opera is that it is as boring as Big Brother, and no one outside the Westminster village is watching.
We all know that the affair is very important. We all know that neither the Government nor the BBC is going to come out of it as pure as the driven snow. We all know that Lord Hutton is investigating the affair - and the next word of any substance about it will come from him when he has concluded his investigations in a couple of months' time.
All these rumours and counter-claims are not, therefore, getting us anywhere.
In fact, they are doing damage: the BBC and the Government are becoming more and more entrenched, and personal hatreds and scores are being created which does not bode well for the long-term future of either organisation.
Every rumour and counter-claim is confirming to ordinary people that no politician is trustworthy, and is reinforcing the view that BBC reporters do not want to report the news but they do want to satisfy their massive egos by making the headlines.
As Mr Hain said yesterday, the affair is turning people off politics - so why he gave it more legs with his accusations is anyone's guess.
Tony Blair is going on holiday to Barbados, Alastair Campbell is thinking about his future, and the BBC is busy transcribing its notes. The rest of us would like a break, too, while Lord Hutton conducts his inquiry - and the Kelly family begin their grieving.
But instead our summer is being shattered by the constant bickering of schoolboys over who did what to whom and when in the tuck shop queue. Enough!
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