Honeymoons From Hell (ITV1): Love was in the air on the flight to Sri Lanka, as Jim said "yes" after partner Candace proposed over the plane's tannoy system.

To add to the surprise, she'd smuggled their two young daughters and various relatives aboard to attend the wedding she'd planned on the island. How romantic, you're all thinking. And it was. The honeymoon was fine. Getting home was the problem. The party was trapped at the airport as 27 fully-armed Tamil Tigers fought a gun battle with government troops.

Jim and Candace knew the situation was serious as an aircraft on the runway exploded in flames as they took shelter in a shack. Eventually, they decided the only thing was to make a run for it, which left Jim with an agonising decision - escape with his wife and daughters, or return to rescue his trapped relatives. He chose the latter. "I was just dodging bullets, zig-zagging," he recalled.

Candace made her way back safely to the hotel, wondering if she'd ever see her new husband again. Next morning he showed up, giving the story a happy ending. "It's not just about luck, I think we were blessed," said a relieved Candace.

The title of Honeymoons From Hell rather gave the game away. Still, I suppose Honeymoons From Heaven could only be screened on a porn channel. We heard about a couple trapped in their hotel by a hurricane, a situation made more perilous by the bride's pregnancy. Other newlyweds were confined to their hotel room because the haze covering the island of Borneo was toxic, especially dangerous as the bridegroom was recovering from lung cancer. Andrew and Jackie had to be rescued from their flood-hit Scottish hotel by coastguards in order to catch their plane to Tenerife. And Martin spent his honeymoon in bed alone, after donating a kidney to his brother.

Many stories had a lighter side. Like Mark and Fiona, who were caught up in a love triangle on their honeymoon. The trouble began when they got engaged, and he bought her an 18 stone pot-bellied pig named Cilla instead of a ring.

The porcine intruder even showed up at the wedding, much to the surprise of guests. Then, when the couple prepared to set off for a week's driving tour of Ireland, Cilla jumped into their car and wouldn't get out. It was either ditch the honeymoon or take the pig. They opted for the latter, although the hotel had the good sense to insist the animal slept in a separate bed in the stables.

James and Charlotte also had a threesome on their safari honeymoon in Botswana. Guide Ian didn't leave them alone for a moment and, when James complained about the tour, told him he should ditch Charlotte and go off with him.

Some good can come of even disastrous honeymoons. A Nile cruise for Sarah and Chris proved a nightmare after he had an allegic reaction to painkillers and then both suffered from bad food poisoning. They spent much of the time dashing between the bed, where they rolled about with stomach pains, and the toilet. Between all that activity, the programme informed us, they still found time to "make a baby".

Published: 30/07/2003