Last time we visited Darlington Rugby Club was as guest speaker at the annual dinner. "They wanted someone for nowt," it was encouragingly explained.

The hour was late, the company boisterous, the mission utterly impossible.

On Friday evening we were invited back, for the relaunch of the real ale bar and for a bit of black pudding and bonding. "We thought that we owed you one," they said.

Darlington are newly promoted to National Third Division North where, uniquely for a town of 100,000 or so, they join neighbours Mowden Park, every bit as successful.

Four years ago a flirtation between the clubs ended in tears. Now, we hear, the old flame is not only rekindled but the parties are whispering serious sweet nothings about getting it all together.

The overtures, it's said, have emanated from Mowden Park, who are also linked with Newcastle Falcons; the nuptial home would probably be at Darlington's swish Blackwell Meadows ground, real ale bar included.

News of a possible mega-club had everyone pretty excited. Not for the first time in those parts, you could hardly hear yourself speak.

Spotted at Guisborough Town v Horden on Saturday, former Darlington FC chairman Dick Corden - taking the gate money, bringing the half-time tea and undertaking umpteen other jobs. Invited to the ultimately anti-climactic opening of the Quakers' new stadium, the former Boro director had declined. "I'm quite happy where I am," said Dick - but Guisborough lost 2-0, an' all.

Brigid Press, who writes the Echo's gardening column, has other cucumbers in the frame, we discover. She played cricket for Yorkshire and England.

Her international career stretched from 1985-92, before the ladies' game became semi-professional.

"About the biggest sponsorship I ever had was a bat from Peter Kippax; either my parents or I had to meet the rest of my expenses but now you can almost make a career of it," she says.

An off spinner who at 14 played for Ingleby Greenhow men's team, Brigid was back bowling at Bishop Auckland on Sunday, playing for BBC Radio Cleveland - where she also presents a gardening programme - against an Emmerdale XI.

Her time with England, said the match programme, was "more church hall floors than high class hotels." At Kingsway she was caught on the boundary for 16, trying to claim the prize for the first to hit the BBC bus.

"I think I'm getting out of practice," said Brigid, who - ever green fingered - works for Nature's World in Middlesbrough.

The Radio Cleveland "All Stars" also included the Rev Paul Walker, Vicar of Norton-on-Tees, God slot contributor and familiar face in the ever under-achieving Durham diocesan clergy cricket team. "I'm excused evensong," he pleaded.

Bishops had their biggest gate in memory, proceeds to the Children in Need appeal and bar queue half way to third man.

The real star was a guest, however.

"We were saved by that old bloke from Bishop Auckland," said Cleveland captain Mark Drury - the eternal Harry Smurthwaite strikes again.

Seeking promotion from the Albany Northern League second division, Norton and Stockton Ancients have signed their first international. He is Apollo Ouedraoga, former goalkeeper with Burkina Faso under 17s.

"We found him wandering about," says team manager Ray Morton, a police inspector in Stockton.

Burkina Faso, it transpires, is a landlocked country in western Africa with a population of 12m and a problem with child trafficking, sorcery and female genital mutilation.

Reckoned among the world's poorest nations, it has a literacy level of 20 per cent and an average life expectancy of 52.

Apollo, now 24, played for Stockton's asylum seekers side but now has refugee status. "He wore the Burkina Faso under 17s top for a friendly against Billingham Synthonia and is obviously very proud of it," says the manager.

"He's Mr Unpredictable, but has the makings of a cracking goalkeeper."

Translated, Burkina Faso means "The country of upright people". He'll be at home in Stockton, says the polliss.

More from the sticky wicket: after recent notes on "treacle" - a familiar ritual in post-war childhood cricket - Steve Hodgson offers the Darlington version.

It's much the same as Shildon's, he says, and reckons it cast iron proof of the influence of the railways.

"The bat was inverted but the ball bowled underarm - usually three treacles were taken to resolve the dispute of whether or not someone was out."

Steve also recalls school yard soccer games where, because of limited space, three "corners" equalled a penalty - or pelly, as they were known in Darlington. That, however, is a different ball game entirely.

Church of Scotland minister Frank Campbell, who produces programmes for both Evenwood Town and Prudhoe Town in the Albany Northern League, managed another splendid effort for the Border Amateur FA's meeting with a Newcastle United XI last Thursday.

The programme recalled Albert Shepherd, the Magpies' prolific centre-forward from 1908-14, who - says Frank - once wanted an afternoon off to attend a family function but was told he could only go once he'd scored four goals.

"Having duly done so, he was on the train before the final whistle sounded," noted the programme.

Frank being unavailable, we have discovered that Shepherd, signed from Bolton Wanderers, five times hit four in league matches, including in a 6-5 defeat at Liverpool in 1909 after United led 5-2 at half-time.

"One of the most sensational games of football ever played in the Mersey city," noted the Echo, though there've been one or two more since.

Rather more predictably, Newcastle - Carl Cort and all - won 6-1 in the borders.

Just four days after his heart by-pass operation at South Cleveland Hospital, former Football League referee Terry Farley, 70, was back home in Newton Aycliffe last night. Marina, his wife, says the elderly secretary of the Bishop Auckland Referees' Society is looking fantastic. "It only hurts when he coughs."

The Cumbrian-born player who started his career at Blackpool, won 62 England caps and was footballer of the year in 1976-77 (Backtrack, August 15) was, of course, Emlyn Hughes - who underwent brain tumour surgery last week. Old Crazy Horse's father, points out John Milburn in Chester-le-Street, was a rugby league international.

Fred Alderton in Peterlee today seeks the identity of the Football League club which plays at the Causeway Stadium.

We're at home again on Friday.