Michael Hill had a promising future as a motorbike racer in front of him - until his parents discovered his secret.

Nick Morrison reports on how a gay man is trying to make it in the macho world of motorsport.

MICHAEL Hill was once one of the bright young stars of the motorbike racing circuit. By the time he was 20, he had two North-East titles behind him and was taking part in his first National Championship race, finishing a highly creditable 13th at Brands Hatch. At the time, he didn't realise that his first race at senior level was to be his last for almost three years.

"My parents found out I was gay. I think it was a bit of a shock and because of stuff that was said, I thought I didn't want to stay there anymore, so I packed everything in the car and left," he says. "I ripped my racing licence up in front of my dad, but at the time I thought it won't matter, he'll calm down.

"My dad had always been there in my racing career. We had sponsorship, but the majority of the finance came from him. The next day, I thought 'Oh s**t, what am I going to do? I can't race anymore'."

Michael's parents confronted their son after finding a birthday card from his boyfriend. In retrospect, he says both sides could have handled the ensuing showdown better. "I said things as well. My dad said 'Get your things and get out', but to be honest, I was not going to stick around anyway. I didn't want to come out, it was the last thing I wanted. I stopped racing, the bike was taken back and my dad sold all my stuff."

Michael, from Norton, near Stockton, moved down to London with his boyfriend and all contact with his parents came to an end, although he did write to his grandmother and an aunt. His abrupt departure from the racing scene had predictably raised a few eyebrows.

"I got a phone call from a lad I used to race with, who said he'd heard lots of rumours about why I stopped. He said 'Are you gay?', I said 'What do you think?', and he said 'I've known you were a poof since I met you'. He was laughing and joking, and he said he wanted me to come and watch him race. I didn't think I could, because everybody would be awful to me."

Eventually, Michael agreed to go to a race, making a reappearance at the circuits where he was a well-known figure. "There were a few people who were a bit abusive, but about 70 per cent of the people who talked to me before were friendly to me," he says.

"It is seen as quite a macho sport, because you are racing around a track at 200mph and you don't get poofs doing that. Even when I was racing before I used to get comments, like 'You poof', 'You f***ing bender'. The majority of people were ok, but there were a few people who I thought were my friends who were nasty. At the time it upset me."

But after missing two seasons' racing, Michael went to a meeting at Donnington last year with friend Jon Heslop. After a number of people approached them to say Michael should start racing again, Jon decided they would set up their own team. They put together a portfolio and began trying to attract sponsors, only to find that many of Michael's original sponsors were more than happy to resume supporting his career.

"I told all of them up front what had happened, and they said they didn't care and I had been a good ambassador for them in the past. Some of them thought it was another angle," Michael says.

"I had never thought of getting back on a bike, but because everyone was saying it's a shame, I thought I was still young enough to get back into it."

At the beginning of this year, Michael, now 24, and Jon got themselves a bike and formed Taboo Motorsport, racing in defiant pink, with sponsors including Bridgestone Tyres and Guysan International and help from Grand Prix team TSR. "The first time I went back on the bike my heart was absolutely racing, I was really, really nervous."

He returned to competition, in the National 125cc Championships, in March, finishing 21st at Silverstone in his first race, with the distinction of being the only out gay motorbike racer in Europe. Although he is quicker than three years ago, he has been dogged by technical problems - and the odd crash.

But perhaps more important than his return to racing is restoring the relationship with his parents. Three months after moving out of the family home, Michael had not heard from his parents, but that all changed when he took an overdose.

"If you asked me three years ago whether I would ever talk to them again, I would have said no. But when I took an overdose, my mum said 'Please come up and see me', so I drove up the following weekend. We started speaking, and she said 'We have always loved you, it was just a shock'."

Michael, who split up with his boyfriend and then moved back to the North-East 18 months ago, owes his original interest in motorbikes to his dad, and is still hoping his dad will once again get involved in his racing career.

"When I used to go and watch, I would maybe see him and say hello, and he's always been interested in how I'm getting on," Michael says. "He has helped with some of the mechanics, and he's now talking about coming to watch me. For him to go to a race would be quite hard, because he would maybe think people would say stuff to him, but it would be nice for me if he turned up and was seen to be supporting me.

"I would not have started racing if it wasn't for him. I think he would like to be involved, and when we need help he's the first to say 'Bring the bike around'. Maybe he's a bit unsure of the public reaction, but I think it would be fine."

It's all a long way from that confrontation three years ago, which ended in his dad throwing him out of the house. "At the time, I was really bitter and annoyed, but that was three years ago. I don't agree with what he did, but it was a shock to him," Michael adds. Although his outing was unplanned, it did resolve the dilemma which saw him hiding his sexuality from his family and his fellow racers.

"Those years I was not out, I was living three lives. There was the real me, the racing me and how I was with my family. Looking back it was a relief. Sometimes I wish I was not out, sometimes I wish I was not gay - I would not have lost three years of my racing, I would not have had all the arguments with my family. I just wish some of it hadn't happened like that.

"At one time, I thought I was the only one who was gay and liked motorcycles. I'm not saying that I want everybody who is gay to come out, but I don't see that we should be ashamed of who we are.

"And if people see it's ok and you can work through it, then it might help other people come to terms with who they are, so they don't have to experience some of the things that I did. I'm quite happy now with the person I am."

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