SPECTATOR, never the world's best advance planner, will learn to be better organised and to avoid cinemas on the last bank holiday Monday of the year after an abortive attempt to see Pirates of the Caribbean earlier this week.

He and a companion shot across to the UCG at Middlesbrough - built by a Northallerton firm and in Spectator's opinion its general atmosphere and comfort infinitely preferable to the soulless, disorganised, feed-them-popcorn-and-chuck-them-out Showcase at Teesside Park - only to find that their chosen 5.15pm showing was sold out and they did not have time to wait for the next one.

Not the fault of the UCG, of course, but in seeking to justify the journey they found that their reluctant second choice, the double-barrelled horror combination Freddy versus Jason, was another 90 minutes away.

A quick backtrack along the A66 revealed that they were in with a chance at the Showcase. When their turn came at the ticket counter they found that they would get into the Pirates of the Caribbean auditorium during the interminable advertisements and trailers, before the main programme began.

Disappointment soon followed. Nobody these days shows cinemagoers to their seats with a torch, and when the eyes became accustomed to the gloom it was found that the only seats left were in the first three rows. Spectator's companion considers that these positions are harder on the eyes, involve uncomfortable craning of the neck and give a distorted picture.

These are personal yet understandable views in more mature years, so after all the frustration it was decided to leave Pirates of the Caribbean for another day, reluctantly waste £8 and go home. The so-called Odeon in Darlington - where former ABC manager and erstwhile rival Archie Heaton would probably now be turning in his grave at the thought - was not an option because that is even smaller.

In an ideal world, of course, multiplexes should follow the example of theatres by offering a seating plan with preferred positions, but this would be impossible to apply in an industry where impulse buying rather than advance booking dominates.

What really irked Spectator, however, was that once tickets had been secured for Pirates of the Caribbean at the Showcase a queue was encountered at a barrier on that side of the foyer with no public explanation - verbal, written or even computerised - of what it was waiting for.

With time getting on, only an urgent enquiry revealed that those people were waiting for a different film and Spectator and companion were admitted by a young attendant who, half hidden because of his height and the general crush, had been calmly tearing tickets for Pirates of the Caribbean anyway. The Showcase still has a lot to learn in public relations and crowd management.

Spectator, a veteran of film reviewing 30 years ago in Darlington, concludes that cinemagoing at modern multiplexes is not the simple business it used to be when there was only one single screen place to choose from, or even two less than a mile apart in the same town. With timing so important at different geographical points these days, if one target falls you need training in military logistics to secure your alternative multi-screen objective.

Besides, in the old days in Darlington, there was usually an immediately identifiable, approachable and experienced manager with whom you could discuss problems while he or she prowled, projecting an almost royal presence, around the carpeted foyer. Bring back the halcyon days of Archie Heaton at the original, one and only, ABC in Northgate and Peter Talbot at the genuine Odeon in Bondgate.