U IS for untidy, ungrateful, unkind, unwilling, unpleasant and lots of other negative qualities.

Sad, isn't it?

When we think of teenagers - especially boys - it's usually the negatives that spring to mind. Well they shouldn't. Give them a break and think nice things about them for a change.

Because yes, of course your teenage son can drive you up the wall, which is where many of us remain, quietly gibbering, for years. (Gibber, gibber...) But they are also wonderful, fascinating and occasionally even a delight to have around. UNIQUE, in fact.

You can still see, sometimes, the little boys they were. And then you get glimpses of the men they will become and it's intriguing. All the time they were little you controlled their lives and knew pretty much what they were doing. Now it's all so much more interesting.

They are emerging into the world as adults, ready to take you on on equal terms. Granted, it's a pretty tricky and painful process, but they're doing it. And often they're doing it brilliantly. Eventually, you will have this whole new adult in your family, which has got to be good.

If you accentuate the negative, as the song almost said, it's the negative you're going to get back. So always look on the bright side of life and try a little UNDERSTANDING occasionally - even if you have to clench your teeth while doing so.

And any day, know they're going to launch themselves into the UNKNOWN. Actually, a lot of their lives will remain unknown to you -whether it's their friends, their social life or their work. They are making their own lives.

You can help, support, be interested, but you cannot live their lives for them. So don't even think about it.

On the other hand, you are allowed to interfere - loudly, repeatedly and naggingly, if they go about UNWASHED, especially if you're in danger of being knocked out by the fumes. It's a peculiarly boys' thing, this. Some seem to sink into the same T-shirt for days on end. Not fair on anyone who has to come near them. They will then do a complete about turn and disappear into the shower for hours, flooding the floor and the rooms below, scattering underpants and towels all over the landing and going through industrial amounts of sprays, gels and mousses with total abandon.

"This place smells like a whore's handbag!" their father would complain, fighting through the fog of body sprays and hair gel.

"And how," the boys would ask innocently in reply, "does he know?"

One minute you're having arguments about UNIFORM, next thing they're thinking about UNIVERSITY.

Entire books have been written about choosing universities. Or even about whether to go to university at all. Some very successful youngsters of my acquaintance left school at 16 or 18 and are doing fine.

1. If they go to university it will cost you a fortune, you will hardly see them and they will only come home when they want something.

2. If they don't go to university, you will hardly see them, they will only come home when they want something and it will still cost you a fortune.

Or as a friend said, whose 22 year old non-graduate daughter has just bought her first house. "She's bought a house and we're the ones who are broke. Why?"

Because they're parents, that's why, and different rules apply from the normal universe.

One thing you can be sure of with children - whether toddlers, teenagers or technically grown up, is to expect the UNEXPECTED.

Remember that and you'll survive anything. Almost.

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Published: ??/??/2003