Characters in Soapland are giving a new meaning to the phrase "two-timing" as they carry on the dishobourable tradition of living double lives.
Perhaps there's something in the water in Weatherfield or in the beer at the Rovers Return. Whatever the reason, the place is fast emerging as the bigamy capital of Soapland.
Peter Barlow is only the latest example of men and women living double lives in Coronation Street. They've given a new meaning to the phrase "two- timing".
Shelley, the Rovers' barmaid, shouts "time" next week on Two Wives Barlow's double marriage. A visit from Lucy the florist, his other wife and mother of his child, convinces her that "her Peter" is someone else's Peter as well. He's been pulling more than pints.
Both women are Mrs Barlow thanks to his compulsion to say "I do" to any passing female, leading him to marry both of them. Bigamy is clearly a concept as alien to him as smiling is to Phil Mitchell.
Peter's willingness to adopt the Mormon idea of multi-wives is of secondary importance to our amazement at how the charmless betting shop manager manages to land one wife, let alone a pair.
After the two Mrs Barlows meet, we can be certain they'll join in an alliance to exact their revenge. Stringing him up from a lamp-post by the short and curlies would be bliss compared to what the lethal combination of Shell and Luce will think up.
To give him his due, Two Wives Barlow is only following a dishonourable tradition of bigamy in the Street. Dreary Deirdre, who was married to Peter's much-married father Ken, not only got banged up in prison for financial double-dealing, but was engaged to the con man who set her up.
She and Jon Lindsay were setting up house together in anticipation of their marriage. Jon conveniently forgot to mention he was already playing happy families with the woman who could already call herself his wife.
Street hostelry the Rovers was the scene of another bigamous relationship even more recently. Fred Elliott, I say Fred Elliott, courted Eve, the barmaid mother of Linda Baldwin. They wed in September 2001.
Wedded bliss ensued until the curse of Betty's hotpot struck again. Would you Adam and Eve it? Mrs Elliott had no right to that title as she hadn't divorced husband Ray. Fred's reaction was to order her to pack her bags and never darken his doorstep again.
Staying in the Street - although these events occured long ago in the early 1980s - we must recall how God-fearing Emily Bishop, who's never had much luck with the opposite sex, married Arnold Swain. Swine, more like. He was another Weatherfield resident who'd omitted to divorce one wife before marrying another.
Like Eve 20 years later, Arnold was given his marching orders. He returned a year later to try to persuade Emily to join him in a suicide pact which, frankly, isn't anyone's idea of a good night out.
By comparison, the Walford of EastEnders is a scene of domestic bliss. Charlie Cotton was the exception. He was married to chain-smoking, bible-quoting queen of the launderette Dot Cotton. In his other life, as a long distance lorry driver called Tommy, he was married to another woman. En route, he also found time for a long-term affair with Dot's half-sister Rose, although thankfully restrained himself from walking up the aisle with her.
Albert Square has also seen several near misses - or should that be, near missus. One of the most dramatic occasions came as Irene Hills and Terry Raymond were standing in church in front of the vicar about to tie the knot. When they reached the bit about anyone present knowing just cause or impediment, a voice at the back pipped up. It was Louise, alias Mrs Raymond, the estranged wife he'd forgotten to divorce. It was a case of goodnight Irene as far as Terry was concerned.
Even that pillar of the law-abiding establishment - not! - Phil Mitchell came close to bigamy. He was ready to marry Kathy Beale, of Caff's Caff fame, but short term memory loss meant he didn't remember he'd already wed Eastern European, Nadia, so she could stay in the country. A large cheque passed from him to her to ensure divorce came before he committed bigamy.
Family Affairs followers would expect nothing less of villainous Pete Callan than a bigamous relationship. He had two wives, but it was a matter of necessity. Being half of a Mr and Mrs partnership would help his custody battle for his son, he thought. What a pity he failed to divorce one wife before marrying another.
Brookside's Marty Murray not only retained fond memories of wife Jan but also the wedding certificate. He married Diane and moved to the Close with her and his three children without the word divorce entering his head or passing his lips.
But there was a happy ending. For him and Jan, if not Diane. She died before he got into trouble with the soap police for having two wives.
Coronation Street: ITV1, Sunday, Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
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