AND all because the lady no longer likes grand romantic gestures... Cadbury's Milk Tray Man in Black is hanging up his helicopter, speed boat, moving train and cable car and stopping the spectacular leaps, jumps and dives. From now on, I guess, he'll just shuffle up to the doorstep like anyone else.

Well yes, OK, it was just a bit over the top and all those macho tricks were a bit too much like showing off. Anyway, these days, we're quite capable of buying our own chocolates. Maybe even, if the mood takes us, buying them for the men in our lives - which is what Cadbury's is apparently planning for. But do we really not admire macho men any more?

Brute strength was always overrated, always a bit Neanderthal, but now the traditional masculine talents of physical bravery and action have been downgraded in favour of their feminine side. We want men who are who are less aggressive, more thoughtful, caring and nurturing. James Bond with a sense of humour and a toddler in tow would fit the bill nicely.

Until there's a crisis. Or a war. And that's when, despite the many successful women in the forces, or the emergency services, we still need that peculiarly masculine combination of physical strength and bravado.

We should treasure these masculine qualities and admire them. And maybe we do. Because however much we admire our new, gentler, men, when the occasion arises, we want action man heroes too.

Even without the box of mediocre chocolates.

IN a bid to increase the number of working class children at university, Government advisers have suggested that all 11-year-olds should do an IQ test to reveal their potential.

Oh yes - exactly the same as was done in the 50s and 60s when we all sat the Eleven Plus and did tests in English, arithmetic and yes, an IQ test.

And, just like in English and maths, schools can train children to do IQ tests. The better the school, the higher the IQ results.

I have an IQ rating that is almost off the scale. And it proves absolutely nothing - only that I was a very well trained ten-year-old.

Instead of putting the money into testing 11-year-olds, how about putting the money into actually teaching them? That is the only sure-fire way to iron out inequalities.

CONGRATULATIONS to the team of Army medics who did a sponsored bed push from Northallerton to Catterick to raise money in memory of a colleague murdered in Iraq.

But did they have to do it on a Saturday? When the A1 was already in chaos?

When Catterick Races were on? When there were already enough traffic queues in the area? And when people who'd been reduced to fuming in yet another long tailback at walking pace were in absolutely no mood to be generous?

WHILE the Hutton Inquiry lumbers on and more questions are asked about Iraq, the NHS continues in chaos, education remains in a black hole and pensioners are rebelling on pensions and council tax, the work of Parliament goes on.

MPs from all sides of the House of Commons are campaigning for Channel 4's gentle quiz show Countdown to be moved from its new time of 3.15pm back to its old time of 4.15, and have tabled an Early Day motion to say so.

Gosh, with priorities like that, we know our country is in safe hands.

SAD news about Frank Bruno, above, who always seemed such a genial giant, and is now in a psychiatric hospital with severe mental problems.

Mental health is still the great taboo. A broken leg gets sympathy, while a broken mind is still greeted with wariness and suspicion.

Let's hope that Frank is soon on the road to recovery, for his own sake, of course, but also for what such an illness and his recovery could do to help clear the stigma for other sufferers.

www.thisisthenortheast.co.uk

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Published: ??/??/2003