AND the winners of this year's Worst Parents Award goes to Ken and Deirdre of Coronation Street (ITV1).

Only the other week, Ken was woebetiding the fact that his son, Two Wives Peter Barlow, had committed bigamy. "Where did we go wrong?," he asked.

Now they have to face up to daughter Tracy being pregnant, by Roy Cropper (allegedly). No wonder Ken and Deirdre are stunned - not because they're going to be grandparents but because of Tracy's taste in men.

She works on the theory that if she sleeps with enough of them, she'll find out that suits. Now she may regret dropping date rape drug into Roy's champagne so she could have her wicked way with him (allegedly), because Roy proposes to her.

But, I hear you saying, isn't he already married to Hayley. Well, yes and no. They did go through a wedding of sorts, but as Hayley is formerly a man called Harold, their union isn't legal. That leaves Roy free to marry Tracy and ensure that he has rights over his unborn child (allegedly). Nick (I'm too sexy for my shirt) Tilsley seems to have recovered from being kissed by Todd as ex-girlfriend Maria catches him in a compromising position - and I don't mean doing the washing up - with Candice. Maria is even more jealous when Gail the hamster, Nick's mum, and grannie Audrey give their blessing to the relationship.

And, oh yes, Terrible Tommy goes spare again when she sees wife Angela talking to disgraced daughter K-K-Katy. This man should go on an anger management course immediately.

While Ken Barlow's feeling a rotten parent in Weatherfield, Dirty Den is also having father-son relationship problems in EastEnders (BBC1). His son Dennis (confusing, I know) feels left out when Sharon throws a welcome home party for her dad. It looks like the two Dennises will never be friends. At long last Alfie decides to declare his love for Kat. But he appears to have left it too late when the Slater slapper returns from her hols in New York with some astounding news. Think aisle, think vows, think her gangster boyfriend Andy.

Elsewhere in the Square, Pauline and Derek get drunk, presumably because they're as fed up with the criminal activities of Martin the tallest man in Soapland as we are. This week, he's caught nicking cash from the market stall. Lock him up and throw away the key or, better still, lock him in a room with Nana Moon for a few hours. That would teach him.

A funeral is always the cue for bad behaviour in Soapland, so expect fireworks when Chris Tate is laid to rest in Emmerdale (ITV1). An unexpected mourner is widow Charity, who gatecrashes the ceremony in handcuffs due to her being under arrest for his murder.

Back too is Zak Dingle, just as wife Lisa and Eddie are getting together as a couple. Perhaps for a Zak attack or two when he finds out.

Much baby talk too as Dawn goes into labour and Siobhan prepares to fake a miscarriage.