The Bill (ITV1): 'AH, this doesn't look good," said Inspector Gina Gold surveying the scene of the armed siege.

This sort of reaction is nothing unusual at Sun Hill, where law and order have broken down - not in the community it serves, but in the cop shop itself.

Gold was right to be worried. A siege situation had gone horribly wrong. One of her officers had offered himself as a hostage, an elderly couple was trapped in the building, and she was squabbling over correct course of action with the man in charge of the armed response team.

"You will not go waving your gun about without my say-so," warned the marvellously tetchy Gina (Roberta Taylor), a woman with whom it's unwise to argue. She is, to give her her due, one of the more law-abiding of the current crop of Sun Hill coppers, if you allow for the little incident of the cover-up over her drinking and driving.

In court, PC Polly Page was in the dock. Helping her fatally ill doctor friend to commit suicide resulted in her facing a murder charge. Anyone in their right mind could see she wasn't guilty, although as the judge was played by the same man who was The Demon Headmaster, you did worry she'd get a fair trial.

It went well at first. No one in their right mind would see the essentially nice Polly as "a manipulative gold-digger using her position as a policewoman to prey on vulnerable people". Then again, colleague and best friend (allegedly) PC Cathy Bradford isn't in her right mind. She's a psycho who regularly lies, cheats and makes up stories. Poor dim Polly couldn't compete with mad Cathy's tearful, Oscar-worthy performance in the witness box.

So, there we have it - just a routine day in The Bill, which celebrated its 20th birthday last night with the first live episode since the pilot in 1983 when TV cops weren't as bent as the villains they were chasing. Dixon of Dock Green must be turning in his grave at the bunch of psychos, killers and corrupt coppers that make up the Sun Hill force.

Deadlines leave me unable to report if anyone fluffed their lines or missed their cues, making the special celebratory episode as big a cock-up as the armed siege. We were promised and got - unless great chunks of the script were omitted by forgetful actors - the brutal murder of a Sun Hill favourite, psycho Cathy challenging a knife-wielding drunk, and dinky little Gary desperately searching for his missing, perhaps murdered, father.

The new-look Bill would have to plead guilty to becoming a soap in uniform, the police equivalent of Holby City - a place where everyone is sleeping with everyone else and personal affairs take precedence over doing the job. But that's what we fans like about the new, improved Bill. This is a police force I'm willing to join twice a week.

Published: 31/10/2003