Dumb And Dumber (five): Britain's Worst Celebrity Driver (five): Presenter Tommy Vance calls them "life's losers caught in the camera's unforgiving eyes".

Most will regard them as stupid, silly or lucky not to have done themselves real harm.

Dumb And Dumber is a more dangerous version of You've Been Framed. If you thought babies toppling over or cats falling into ponds are funny in a sadistic sort of way, you'll love this.

See a man get his head trapped between the jaws of a crocodile. Hilarious! See a sky-diver hit a power pylon as he lands. Shocking! See a fire-eater set his head on fire. Pant-wetting!

Whatever you do don't try this at home. But don't overlook the educational value of this show. After seeing a bungee jumper hit the rocks below with a nasty thump, you'll remember to take into account the fact that the line stretches next time you jump off a bridge. And, if you're reporter filming an item about an Aussie shop owner who's erected a 6,000 volt electric fence, remember not to touch it.

Just as dangerous, Britain's Worst Celebrity Driver demonstrated, is getting into a car with any of the celebrities gathered to demonstrate how rotten they are behind the wheel. Handing out a £10,000 charity prize hardly makes you any easier at the idea of letting them loose on our roads.

Birds Of A Feather star Linda Robson was described as not a bad driver, but one who gets distracted easily. She has regular "brushes" with bollards after taking 60 lessons to pass her test. Airport star Jeremy Spake - you weren't expecting A-list celebs, were you? - drives barefoot and fast. He's already been banned once. Paul Ross has no interest in driving, reflected in the fact that he's a self-confessed hopeless driver. He's completely written off two vehicles and recently did two-and-a-half grand's worth of damage to his Mercedes.

Top Of The Pops presenter Sarah Cawood, like Robson, is easily distracted. At least she's good humoured, which is more than can be said for grumpy old Nicholas Parsons. He's been driving for 55 years, although he's never taken a test. After the Second World War they gave out full driving licences along with ration books which, quite frankly, strikes me as alarming.

Parsons has a Jag which he drives agonisingly slowly and hoots his horn to warn other drivers he's coming round the corner.

All five were given a practical test by an experience instructor. The results were disastrous.

Parsons disliked being told off for not looking enough in the mirror. "Nobody looks in the mirror more than me," he said.

"I do," retorted the instructor.

There are more programmes featuring celebrity bad driving to come. I'll be keeping off the road until the series is over.

Published: 05/11/2003