Ancient Egyptians (C4): Five Go Mad In... Leeds (Yorkshire/Tyne Tees): THE spoils of war for Egyptian soldiers after the battle of Megiddo were severed hands.

They measured success by the number they hacked off and collected.

This was the cue in the first of the lavishly-produced Ancient Egyptians history lessons for shots of much hacking and spurting blood.

The production certainly didn't hold back on the blood and gore in the battle scenes. Ancient writings - the first medical treatment books - told how doctors cared for the wounded. Raw meat was put on flesh wounds, while gum, ram's hair and the milk of a breast-feeding woman were used to treat burns. All very impressive, until you learn that most would die from infections within a few days.

The four-part series follows the history programme format laid down in the BBC's ratings hits Colosseum and Pompeii - a mix of recreation of a big event, brought to life by focusing on the personal stories of several of the key players.

Tuthmosis was a pampered and indulged prince, a real mummy's boy - how appropriate for an ancient Egyptian - whose pharaoh mother ruled while he had a good time. After her death, he became pharaoh and, with no experience of battle, took on the biggest Syrian army ever gathered.

We know what happened because the story of the battle of Megiddo was carved in stone in the temple of Karnak in Luxor by the world's first war correspondent.

We also followed the progress of one of the thousands of men dragged from their villages to fight in the army, alongside the elite corps of Nubians from the south.

The campaign went well for Tuthmosis, who outwitted the Syrian leader Kanesh and defeated his forces at the gates of Megiddo. But Egyptian soldiers stopped to loot the bodies and collect severed hands instead of taking the city. The pharaoh had to hang around for months, starving the Syrians into submission.

The programme avoided the embarrassment of the cheesy dialogue scenes in the BBC shows by having its characters speak in Egyptian and providing subtitles. This, coupled with the impressive battle scenes and locations, made it much more satisfying than the B-movie feel of Pompeii.

We learnt a bit of history and were entertained at the same time. On the other hand, the point of Five Go Mad In... eluded me. Five girls from Newcastle and five guys from Manchester had a night out in Leeds. The former watched a comedian and had a dance, while the latter drank a lot and chatted up girls.

There wasn't enough here to justify a five minute programme, let alone half-an-hour. Fatally for a reality TV show, no outrageous or even interesting characters emerged. All the participants blended into one. There was none of the gratuitous bad language or raucous behaviour we demand of such late night shows.

Not so much Five Go Mad In... Leeds as One Viewer Goes To Bed In...

Published: 14/11/2003