THE news that a bow-tie wearer is advertising his (or her) criminal tendencies must have come as a shock to supporters of Patrick Moore and the late Doctor Who actor Patrick Troughton.

The little-known Radio 4 comedienne Linda Smith went as far as to tag the neckwear owners as potential psychopaths, quoting the attire of Harold Shipman and Peter Sutcliffe, during one of the more hysterically funny outings for Room 101 (BBC2, Monday).

As North-East educated comic Stan Laurel automatically qualified alongside the more elusive charms of Neil Hamilton and Russell Grant, the bow-tie brigade were not consigned to the inner depths.

But host Paul Merton, who offered no explanation for his decision to wear pyjama trousers, did support Smith's other suggestions of Adults Who Read Harry Potter Books (massive support here), Unfunny Operas and poor Tim Henman.

My wife enjoyed Smith's arguments to such an extent that the bow-tie boffin is now a more endangered species than the golden tamarin.

"I just knew he'd be wearing a bow-tie, so the police ought to arrest him" she said as George Bush was shown resplendent in his best silk dicky-bow at a Buckingham Palace welcoming do this week.

Surely a flashing bow-tie that spins around as Christmas merriment cannot be classified as a crime against society, even if Mike Read as Frank Butcher in EastEnders once wore very little else.

Then again Michael Jackson, who has flaunted a natty red B-T in the past, saw his life story cancelled on Tuesday night on ITV1 after further child abuse allegations surfaced.

Henry Goodman was at his B-T-wearing best as a psychopathic US businessman prepared to kill an inventor to keep him quiet in Foyle's War (ITV1, Sunday). I'm not sure I was reassured by Foyle's tame promise to hunt him down after the war.

"I thought Foyle's police assistant (Paul Milner played by Anthony Howell) had lost a leg, well he's moving pretty well now," detected my wife as a brief encounter developed between the cop and driver Sam Stewart (Honeysuckle Weeks).

Fortunately, the collars were all on the pets for Celebrity Dog School (BBC1, Saturday), although Dora Bryan was more barking than any of the four-legged friends on show.

She and old ham Ronnie Corbett just couldn't resist acting up for the TV audience as their pampered pooches battled with commands to sit, stay, heel and fetch.

The front runners turned out to be scatter-brained Linda Barker of Changing Rooms fame and her dachshund puppy Tiger Lily. My family, of course, wanted Julian Clary and Heinz 57 dog Fanny to triumph, particularly when his terrified creature ran off and hid at the start.

Last night, the public donated charity cash by phoning in votes during BBC's Children In Need for the final of Celebrity Dog School. I just hope Dora Bryan, or her nervous hound Georgie, weren't wearing a B-T.

Published: 22/11/2003