The Christmas Show (ITV1)

THE only way this daily, live seasonal show can hope to attract viewers is in the same way that people like to look at road accidents.

In the twisted wreckage that is The Christmas Show, you will find Eamonn Holmes and Tess Daly trying to extricate themselves from a real car crash of a programme. The Christmas Show is bad enough to make Scrooges of us all.

This is an early Christmas present for Richard and Judy whose show - going out at the same time on Channel 4 - will reap the benefits of horrified viewers switching over from ITV1.

The bad news is that The Christmas Show is scheduled to be screened five times a week for the next three weeks. I wouldn't be surprised if it doesn't make it to the end of the run.

Holmes is a genial and reliable host, an expert in doing live TV through the breakfast show GMTV. There he shares the sofa with the equally good Fiona Phillips. In The Christmas Show, his partner in crime is Tess Daly, the latest model on the TV conveyor belt of glamorous presenters who are indistinguishable from one another.

Holmes announced that the show was coming live from the heart of London's Covent Garden. Why did he bother? The programme never strayed outside the studio. It could have come from Outer Mongolia for all the difference the location contributed to the shoddy proceedings.

Westlife, who seem to be everywhere, sang a song. Lulu plugged her new album. Pub Landlord Al Murray was as funny as a pint of flat beer. A mixologist mixed - what else did you think he did? - a few cocktails.

Holmes showed a Christmassy picture of himself as a child. Daly didn't have any pictures, but promised that "I'll get mine out tomorrow". Miraculously, Holmes avoided making the obvious saucy remark.

From time to time, the action returned to the home of Mr Christmas, who celebrates 365 days of the year. There, the bauble boys, Colin and Justin, were assigned to redecorate a room that "looks like Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer has chucked his Christmas lunch and we are the ones who have to clean it up".

The duo promised to "pull your crackers and juggle your baubles" which, judging by their behaviour, may well be slang for unusual domestic activities.

Consumer champion Chris Choi tested "toys for boys", which were either expensive or silly - except one. This was a device for jamming the remote control operating your TV set. The ideal present to ensure that no one in your house switches on to The Christmas Show, I'd say.