Horse racing is a foreign land; they do things differently there. Like those who only go to church on Christmas Eve and claim - religiously - to be regulars, the column cuts to the chase approximately once a year.
Increasingly, it is an enjoyable social occasion. We're even on nodding terms with the hats, racing's equivalent of the suits.
At Wednesday's Catterick meeting, therefore, we were particularly indebted to recently retired trainer Denys Smith for opening so many doors - not least to the owners' and trainers' bar - and to Matt Seymour, the Echo's revered racing correspondent emeritus.
Denys is 79, still on his farm in Bishop Auckland. "Retirement's a big change," he said, "going out of the back door every day and finding only the dog there."
Matt, fully fit after a heart attack six years ago, still goes racing two or three times a week, still avidly champions his sport.
For Matty, everyone's a winner.
The annual excuse was a piece in last Sunday's Observer which suggested not only that National Hunt racing was riding for a very heavy fall and that courses would close, but that the hurdles the sport faced were like jumping Beecher's on a pogo stick.
Julian Wilson's column in Wednesday's Racing Post underlined some of the anxieties, particularly about too many meetings, quality sacrificed to quantity and the betting industry's over-vigorous wagging of the equine tail.
In the same edition, Redcar racecourse chairman Peter Hill-Walker expressed himself comfortable with the prospect of closures. "With new tracks coming on stream in the next two years, it would be healthy if there were some rationalisation," he added, euphemistically.
If times have been a bit hard of late then so, of course, has the ground.
By Wednesday the prayers had been answered: grey skies, buckets of rain, going good to thank goodness.
The crowd was put at around 1,500, about average for a Wednesday in December, though the Racing Post also revealed that this year's total attendance at Yorkshire's nine racecourses is set to top a million for the first time.
On Wednesday, numbers was boosted by those out for a little premature festivity, among them a squad of PFA Football in the Community officers, led by Kevin Stonehouse of Darlington, and a group of 20 or so senior BT people.
The main difference was that the football folk called it a Christmas get together - "meeting this morning, racing this afternoon, party tonight" said Kevin - and BT called it team building.
Mr Roman Abramovich is team building along similar lines.
We paid a tenner at Tattersall's tinselled turnstile and at once bumped into a Racing Post vendor making a late run for the quote of the year stakes.
"National Hunt's for genuine racing people," said Alan Smith. "Flat's a garden party for hosses and for girls who want to show their arses."
Catterick was his favourite. "They're proper racing people here, not crowds of daft lads out for a booze up."
Sedgefield, said Alan, was getting a bit like shopping in Harrod's - "£2.80 a pint and even then it's nowt ower."
In the cataclysmically named God's Solution bar, a pint was £2.50. Denys Smith, like everyone else, could neither see a threat to the sport nor appeared to be wearing blinkers.
"Look at today, miserable as hell and still a good crowd. The firm ground's been a bit of a problem, but we're all right now."
As happy, in truth, as racehorses in clarts.
Matt Seymour thought the biggest danger might be that moderate horses would be tempted to the growing number of all weather tracks - "very little money, but less danger."
Alan Smith said the problem was Mondays. "Mondays are very slow. You might have to get shot of them."
Ray Hawkey, father-in-law of prospering Crook trainer Howard Johnson, had been to Kelso the Monday previously. "It wasn't fit to turn a dog out but still lots of people, good people, were there."
John Wade, owner and training permit holder, regarded National Hunt folk as a close knit fraternity. "Lovely people, friendly faces. Survive? Of course it will."
Mr Wade wore a tie bearing the emblem of Northern Racing, owners of Sedgefield and much else. "I should get in free with this," he said.
"We should charge you double," said Jonjo Sanderson, Catterick's general manager, cheerfully.
Mr Sanderson, an affable young man, talked of the Office of Fair Trading's ongoing inquiry into racing which may ease central control over fixtures. Catterick may lose racing days, or at least not be supported by the bookmakers.
"At the moment we're in a bit of a pickle because we're governed to some extent by the betting industry. If there's a fixtures free for all, jumps courses may want to race on the same day.
"The cake is only so big but interest has never wavered and in some ways it's increased, especially because of the threat to hunting. People are coming to National Hunt in droves.
"If there's a problem it's internal politics, but it is in any industry. We need to unite."
To muted applause outside they were running the Document Express Limited Anniversary Handicap Chase (Class E), the Streetlam National Hunt Novices Chase and the Ellerton Junior Novices Hurdle (Class D).
Race goers, who may under no circumstances be seen as fair weather fans, seemed rather surprisingly to be enjoying themselves.
National Hunt on its last legs? You wouldn't want to bet on it.
Bactrack Briefs....
Before another word is written, a very happy 86th birthday today to Kip Watson, innovative and indefatigable secretary of the Over 40s League and winner of The Northern Echo's overall Local Heroes award in 2001.
Kip, marvellous feller, is wholly recovered from a stroke five years ago. He plans a quiet birthday at home in Sunderland. "I'm saving the fireworks for my 90th," he says.
Congratulations also to Chester-le-Street's under 18 side, 2-1 winners at Derby County in the FA Youth Cup on Tuesday - one of just two "non-league" sides still in the competition. The other's Stevenage.
Joe Burlison, the Albany Northern League club's general manager, rang - euphorically - from the homeward bus. He rang everyone else, too. "If you think I was high you ought to have seen Andrew Muxworthy, the team manager," said Joe yesterday.
Muxworthy, human resources manager with a Sunderland transport firm, has built a formidable side beneath the noses of the big club Academicians and on a budget of precisely nothing.
"We've had a bit of help but a lot of the expenses must be coming out of Andrew's pocket, he's done superbly," says Joe.
Nor are they going to get rich out of the Youth Cup prize pot. It's empty, too.
Derby fielded English, Scottish and Irish youth internationals and at least one first team regular. "In the first half they never had a shot at goal but they scored with 15 minutes left and after that it was a real nail biter," says Joe.
Previously the Chester lads had beaten Hartlepool, Port Vale and several youth teams from elsewhere in the Pyramid. They're at West Ham in the last 32. We shall have to join them.
The irrepressible Peter Freitag, 74-year-old Darlington estate agent and president of the Northern Region Liberal Democrats, has a forecast about England's next World Cup win.
Peter was 37 when England beat Germany at Wembley, caroused in the same hotel as the England team - "Bobby Charlton was so shattered he just had his head in his hands" - and was given a World Cup tie by Geoff Hurst.
Thirty seven years later he rejoiced with the rest of the nation as Jonny Wilkinson saw off Australia.
Just getting back to tennis after breaking ribs in a skiing accident, he predicts that t he next World Cup win will be another 37 years hence, 2040.
The sport? "All I can say is that it certainly won't be cricket."
Denys Smith, a Catterick stayer - unlike the column - rings from home with news of a full house for jockey Andrew Thornton.
Born near Sedgefield, now stabled a few miles down the road at Bishopton, he'd hitherto ridden a winner all but one of the country's 40 National Hunt courses. On Wednesday, close to home, he completed the set on King Revo.
A former apprentice with dear old Arthur Stephenson, he's now on 63 for the season. "It made a nice day even better," says Denys.
A couple of columns back we recorded the passing at 71 of former Norton cricketer George Molloy, who's worked at Hill's wood yard in Stockton and, we said, made a couple of Durham County appearances in the 1950s.
Stephen Smailes, long serving Stockton Tory councillor and himself a former Hill's man, rings to argue. George, he says, not only made many more Durham appearances but Played for the Minor Counties, against Australia.
"I've seen the scrap books," says Smailesey. "He got several wickets, including Redpath and McDonald."
We have again consulted the oracle. "Never in the world," says the Beardless Wonder.
"I'll bet you a pint," says Councillor Smailes. We shall enjoy it greatly.
And finally...
The English team which in 1984 held a 4-0 European lead over Partizan Belgrade but went out in the second leg (Backtrack, December 2) was Queens Park Rangers.
Brian Shaw in Shildon today seeks the identity of the only player to win an FA Cup winner's medal with both North London clubs.
We return, closer to home, on Tuesday.
Published: 05/12/2003
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