IT'S CHRISTMAS!! Yes, wherever you go you can't help but be assaulted by Noddy Holder belting out the original and best festive song.

And if you were in any doubt about what time of year it was - the King of Christmas Cliff has not only released a single but also an album full of toe-curling, fireside classics.

Forget steamed pudding, crackers and pine trees - Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without a host of terrible, novelty records heading for the charts.

Not that the top ten is much to write home about the rest of the year - but that's a whole different subject, which makes me sound like I'm hurtling towards collecting my pension rather than enjoying my 20s (all be it the tale end!)

This Christmas, Cliff will be battling it out against (among others) Noddy, Avid Merrion, Basil Brush and the Pop Idol contestants for the coveted number one spot.

None of the contenders are worth shouting about but the worse of a very bad bunch has to be the wanna-bes from Pop Idol who seem to have missed the point about novelty records.

As the Kareoke show's biggest fan it pains me to have to say this but what on earth were the Pop Idol bosses thinking about releasing Merry Xmas (War Is Over)?

Not only is it a crass attempt to try to cash in on feelings about a military campaign which is still rumbling on in Iraq but on a more superficial level the 12 finalists have murdered a truly great song.

John Lennon's original was released at a time when Christmas songs were just that - songs with a festive theme but with great tunes and decent lyrics.

Over the years the song has taken on new poignancy and that is what makes it so naff that a group of kids who simply want to be famous have tried to make it their own.

Goodness knows what the video will be like - probably full of glitter and tinsel - completing missing the point of the song. In fact the only good thing about the single is that those who should still be competing in the show will be given another chance to showcase their voices.

Move over Sam, Michelle and Mark (who I predict will all be stocking supermarket shelves come next Christmas) and let Andy, Suzanne and Roxanne get back into the limelight where they belong!

If you have to buy a Christmas song reach for the latest from rock gods The Darkness - great fun and it even includes a children's choir!

As for what I will be listening to as I tuck into my turkey...bring on Bing and Sinatra - at this time of year the oldies really are the best.

Published: 09/12/2003