YOU'D think by now that anyone with the surname Platt would steer clear of travelling by car.

Gail the hamster and her brood, you may recall, narrowly avoided a watery grave after Tricky Dicky, the Weatherfield serial killer, drove them into a canal. Undeterred, Gail's ex, Martin Platt, gets behind the wheel of his car in Coronation Street (ITV1).

Mar-in the nurse, in case you need reminding, is co-habiting with Ka-ee the schoolgirl who's been cut off by the family who can't say their Ts.

Her parents Terrible Tommy and Angst-ridden Angela have split up as a result of arguing over their wayward daughter. Son Craig blames his sister's lover for the family crisis and loosens a nut on Mar-in's car. Ordinary people would just thump Mar-in or put laxative in his tea, but Craig has to be different.

The upshot is that the vehicle, with Mar-in at the wheel, veers out of control. Terrible Tommy, in hot pursuit at the time, has to drag the man who has deflowered his daughter, from the burning wreck. Oh, the irony of it all.

So once more we return to Soapland General, where Mar-in lies unconscious, as assorted relatives gather round making cooing noises.

Ka-ee, meanwhile, hot foots it to Soapland Police Station to report her father for trying to murder her loved one.

Elsewhere in the Street, Nick - or Increasingly Nasty Nick, as he should be called - outs Todd to his mum Eileen. Won't he ever forgive and forget that fleeting peck on the cheek from Todd?

Divorce is on the minds of several Walford residents in EastEnders (BBC1). Alfie's still trying to get free so he can marry Kat on Christmas Day, while Lynne tells Gormless Garry that she wants a divorce. Then she changes her mind after hearing the patter of tiny feet (and we don't mean the return of Peggy Mitchell).

Barry the most boring man in soap is planning a Scottish wedding with Janine the reformed, money-grabbing slapper. Billy is confused - easily done - when Little Mo claims she was raped and her attacker Graham says she consented.

Vicky returns from Italy and, based on what happened after previous trips, she'll have a new accent. Dirty Den has other things on his mind. His plans to return to Spain to sort out his business matters and then move back to Walford permanently are put in doubt when news of Phil Mitchell escaping from his cage spreads around the Square.

The good news in Emmerdale (ITV1) is that the dreadful Marsdens bid farewell. They've been as successful as the equally awful family that won a soap competition to move into the village.

Ashley the vicar doesn't make a good impression when the bishop and his new curate come calling as he's under the influence of one too many tequilas.

Marlon and Tricia are still having problems, but not sex, in the bedroom as guilt-ridden Marlon is failing to rise to the occasion. Surely this isn't the best time for him to come clean about his fling with Charity.

Published: 11/12/2003