WHAT are retailers of women's wear thinking this Christmas? I went shopping last week to give myself a seasonal boost and was deeply offended by what greeted me on the high street's clothes rails.

All the nice outfits had been taken away to be replaced by a hideous collection of 'tart wear' - feather boas, transparent tops, gold lame, and rouche tops with no hint of class. If I didn't want to choose from the selection of shimmering dresses with slits up the side and fur on top, my only other alternative was to go for the over-priced 'women's tuxedo' with shiny bits on the lapels instead.

All I had gone out for was a pair of trousers and an interesting top and I was met by such trash. Why do clothes designers think women want to put on an Annie Lennox-style shiney tuxedo over the festive season? Are we back in the 80s? Why the lapse of taste over a period when we all get together with families, perhaps for the only time in the year, and want to look our best?

If an alien visited our shops in order to understand the meaning of Christmas, it would probably conclude that it was a tacky ritual for women who got trussed up in hope of some seasonal rounds of 'stationery cupboard sex'.

Christmas decorations have become increasingly minimalist, with trees being adorned with simple white lights and some choice 'designer' baubles, so why are dresses going the opposite way? It is as if women who actually choose to wear these costumes are becoming a human version of the Christmas tree, darkening the door of their office parties in their glaring outfits.

The TUC is getting angry at Britain's stingy bank holiday pay, or the lack of it. I quite agree. So many of us are forced to work on Christmas Day with no extra remuneration.

The Sunday shift destroyed our weekends years ago, but Christmas still seemed to be the one time when we all switched off and reserved at least that day for quality family time, even if it does all end in arguments and tears.

I worked on Christmas Day last year and I remember cycling to work along streets completely barren of human life. It was almost eerie seeing central London so quiet.

I did absolutely nothing but twizzle paper clips all day and switch on for the double episode of EastEnders at work, watching others have a good time. This year, I'm doing the Christmas night shift, along with hundreds of others in the country, so things will be even more sorrowful. I will probably get a few mid-week lieu days off for my effort. Oh great, I can open my presents and eat Christmas dinner all by myself then.