OH why did the selection of The 100 Greatest Musicals have to fall into the untrustworthy hands of Channel 4?

If it wasn't for A Place In The Sun - where nobody ever seems to buy the properties offered - or No Going Back I wouldn't go near the flipping channel in the first place.

Those silly enough to sit through around six hours of alleged results were faced with Buffy The Vampire Slayer - Once More With Feeling finishing in 13th spot and that box office-belter from 1964 Umbrellas Of Cherbourg coming in at No 92 (what do you mean you've never heard of them)?

The trouble lay in allowing C4 to set the list of nominations in the first place.

Given over to the broader-based audience of BBC or ITV there might have been room for Ivor Novello's The Dancing Years for older fans while Dancer In the Dark (you never knew it was a musical?) starring Bjork would almost certainly have been replaced by A Hard Day's Night featuring The Beatles.

The Hot Mikado, Carmen Jones, Peter Pan and Five Guys Named Moe never made it out of the starting blocks.

Under titles suggested with the letter M, there was no place for Martin Guerre so why not vote for Million Dollar Mermaid instead?

That was, apparently, a 1952 film starring Ester Williams which actually ran under the title The One Piece Bathing Suit in Britain.

Those not already chewing their remote controls in frustration over Eminem's 8 Mile making No 40 in the chart were faced with the world's most popular musical, The Sound Of Music, finishing second to Grease and West Side Story trailing in behind The Wizard of Oz. With C4 gaining Internet support mainly from a generation who grew up with Travolta and Newton-John, the final placings were bound to be the ones that they want, oh-oh-oh etc.

The musical-supporting majority never got near enough to a keyboard to participate. Cynics might also point out that those seeking the results on Channel 4's website were offered the chance to buy a DVD, video or soundtrack linked to most of the titles included.

My wife, having been on-song all night organising a New Year's Eve party and done a lot more than climb a tree and scrape her knee, collapsed in front of the TV the following day and surveyed the choices.

"I want to watch The Sound Of Music (BBC1) because it's mindless enjoyment. I don't fancy Grease (ITV1) it gets on my nerves," she said without reference to my feelings on the subject.

We did watch something instead of Grease. Funnily enough Channel 4 was showing A Place In The Sun followed by an update of builder Kevin and frizzy-headed partner Carol relocating to Brittany in No Going Back.

Later, Channel 4 ploughed on relentlessly with The 100 Worst Pop Records which, I fear, is rubbing off on the others because BBC2 is now desperate for us to vote on favourite sitcoms (perhaps it will stop repeating Dad's Army and The Good Life long enough to show the result).

How about the next poll being The 100 Worst TV Vote Shows. At least C4 could win something.

Published: 03/01/2004