Dick And Dom In Da Bungalow (BBC1)

Ministry Of Mayhem (ITV1)

THE battle for the young Saturday morning audience is revitalised with the arrival of ITV1's replacement for SM:TV. Now it comes down to a choice between MOM and DAD - Ministry Of Mayhem or Dick And Dom.

The latter have been causing mayhem for some months, behaving like a pair of naughty schoolboys to the delight of young audiences and disapproval of their parents. Where else would you find a game in which Dick and Dom, a pair of BBC children's programme presenters who are old enough to know better, visit to a museum and shout the word "bogies" at the top of their voices?

They pull silly faces. They talk in silly voices. They do silly walks. They are - you've guessed - very silly. Adults and celebrities are banned from the bungalow. Only their young guests get to play games like Fairly Hairy Fizzog in which they plaster their heads and faces with chocolate spread to which they stick hair. The gruesome result makes the wolf man look like Jude Law.

Two attach brooms to their heads, are upended and used by the presenters are human sweeper-uppers. It ends with Creamy Muck Muck in which all and sundry are pelted with cream pies.

It works because it appears spontaneous, with Dick and Dom seemingly making it up as they go along and not taking anything too seriously.

MOM is ITV1's attempt to win back the audience from the BBC. It has slapstick and mayhem but, on the evidence of the opener, is far too calculated and rehearsed to win the hearts and minds of the young audience. It wants to be anarchic but has to keep stopping for commercial breaks, and can't resist utilising the old additives of singers (S Club 8) and interviews with TV stars (Sarah and Candice from Coronation Street).

Presenters Michael, Holly and Stephen are desperate to prove they can be as childish as their audience. "Agents" armed with gunge guns roam the studio, a giant carrier pigeon is wrestled to the ground, and celebrities fire cream cakes from skateboards.

While Dick and Dom losers dance with pants on their head, MOM has the bum board for which viewers are invited to send photos of their bent elbow cracks (which look like bottom cracks).

It also wants young anglers to send photos of catches for a game in which we're shown a face and have to guess if the person has a tiddler or a monster in his hands. I look forward to the adult version involving something other than fish.

One worrying aspect of MOM is Holly's portrayal as a dumb girl (a part she plays very well, admittedly). She's the one who has "a girlie chat" with the Corrie actresses and explains the contents of the cake trolley.

The MOM crowd is anxious to show they can be as childishly rude as Dick and Dom. The Corrie girls were asked if they'd rather touch a cockroach or horse dung. They opted for the latter, resulting in Holly producing a plate of the steaming stuff into which they had to plunge their hands. By comparison, the bogies game seemed squeaky clean.