OF all the people in Soapland, Fiz must have been one of the unlikeliest candidates to find herself in a love triangle.
There are further surprises in store for this piggy in the middle, as suitors Tyrone and Kirk play at being Romeo to win back their Juliet in Coronation Street (ITV1).
It's not exactly up to the Ken/Deirdre/Mike love threesome, more like a spinoff from The Munsters, but who am I to stand in the way of true love?. Tyrone's romantic gesture involves something with four legs and a tail (no, not Ken and Deirdre as a pantomime cow). Kirk, clearly desperate, turns to Les Battersby for help. The repercussions could be as worrying as asking Robert Kilroy-Silk to write a newspaper column.
Charlie the randy builder continues to get the knickers of Weatherfield's middle-aged women in a twist. They clearly like the swing of his sledgehammer as both Deirdre and Bev are anxious to attract his attention and sort out their U-bends.
Even Fred the butcher (and they don't come much butcher than Fred) is playing Cupid as he continues his matchmaking scheme to bring Ashley and nanny Claire together. The silly things still won't acknowledge their feelings for each other. Tracy does decide to tell Steve Macdonald, the father of her unborn child, how she feels about him. Trouble is, he's busy arranging his wedding to Karen.
Sharon and Dennis become increasingly suspicious about Sam Mitchell, floozy turned gangster in EastEnders (BBC1). What's taken them so long? She's been striding around the Square as though she owns the place (and, to be fair, she does own quite a bit) since bully-boy Phil did a runner. Sharon has been too busy pouting her lips and Dennis too keen on removing his shirt to notice that the Watts' are losing out in the turf war. Can the not-very-dynamic duo discover who started the fire in Angie's Den? Then they could go round and thank him for almost incinerating the irritating Vicki, who was trapped in the blazing building. Billy the arsonist is now making inflammatory statements, announcing to one and all in the Vic that Little Mo's baby - if it's a girl will they call it Even Littler Mo? - isn't his. As if she didn't have enough worries. Paul continues to have difficulty coping with the death of Barry, which is more than Janine the merry widow does. She's going for an Oscar for her performance as the grieving wife, when we all know she'd be dancing on Barry's grave if she'd bothered to bury him rather than shove his ashes in an urn in a cupboard under the stairs.
Hankies at the ready as Tricia's funeral finally takes place in Emmerdale (ITV1). Mother Steph breaks down as she speaks about her daughter, possibly because it's the first good word she's had to say about her for years. Grieving Marlon throws himself into work (which is certainly better than down a well) by helping Bernice get the Woolpack back in order. Louise is unlikely to lend a hand, unless it's to stop Bernice spending too much time with Ashley the vicar and father of her child.
Charity the pregnant, alleged murderess stands trial for doing away with husband Chris Tate. She makes one last desperate bid to win over Zoe to her side - by snogging her in an attempt to rekindle memories of their lesbian tryst some time ago. As Zoe is an impressionable schizophrenic vet, this drastic action may just work.
Published: 15/01/2004
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