THE celebrations for my son's 18th birthday have even belittled the search for Britain's (not the UK you will note) Best Sitcom on BBC2.

What started out as a modest family get-together has blossomed into a full fancy dress occasion at a local hall with my wife buying enough helium balloons to launch our house into an early attempt on Mars to rescue the Beagle. I've been volunteered as Captain Hook - without the necessary surgery, thank goodness - and my wife, very late in the day, decided to dress up as well. Cat Woman (skin-tight costume best avoided) was quickly put out for the night and I somehow survived after suggesting she become the crocodile from Peter Pan or a dragon.

Having been beaten to Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz by my daughter (you know it's Dorothy because you cart a toy Toto around in a basket) I was asked "shall I be the clown with baggy trousers or the silk suit with a ruff?" As "see the sad tears of the little clown" has become a running joke in our family thanks to Zoe Wanamaker's character in BBC1's My Family, the choice seemed entirely appropriate. Even so, I couldn't quite see my wife joining the baggy-trousered brigade having complained so often about glimpsing our son's boxer shorts. Away from fancy dress, our children were anxious to know which of the top ten sitcoms we were going to vote for as the long, long session of comedy repeats begins tonight with Slack Bladder (sorry, Blackadder).

"I've always hated Rowan Atkinson and Fawlty Towers and most of the programmes are so old they don't make me laugh any more. Anyway, I'm sure the starving children of the Third World will be fascinated to know we're wasting our money on choosing our No 1 sitcom," said my wife tartly.

"Yes, but when your mother tried the 'think of the starving children in Africa' argument on you to get you to eat your greens it didn't work, did it?" I replied. All I got back was an enigmatic smile. Those still hungry for the sitcom list will see the following after tonight: Fawlty Towers, One Foot In The Grave, Yes Minister, Only Fools And Horses, Vicar Of Dibley, The Good Life, Porridge, Open All Hours and Dad's Army. The last three are the obvious favourites, but I'm going to put my weight behind Dawn French (no fun intended) on the grounds you can't beat the actors to the punchlines. If I say "don't tell him Pike" you know exactly which programme I'm talking about. You can no longer say "Granville, fetch your cloth" and create a smile. Prison-style "Naff off" fails as a recognised comic insult and even Tom Good's classic "the ooh-ahh bird is so-called because it lays square eggs" has worn a little thin. Everybody cringes when someone says "I dooon't believe it" or "don't mention the war" nowadays. Yes Minister is sad because Paul Eddington and Nigel Hawthorne are no longer with us and Only Fools is probably the most repeated of all. As the closest most of us get to church is fictional Dibley's St Barnabus I think chocolate-guzzling Geraldine Granger deserves the spot on high.

Published: ??/??/2003