HOT pants make a comeback in Weatherfield as fire sweeps through the Underworld factory in Coronation Street (ITV1).

The knicker fire is sparked off by Nick (I'm too sexy for my shirt) Tilsley imposing a ban on smoking breaks. That inflames hostilities between him and former mother-in-law Janice.

When Nick nips out to make it up with girlfriend Maria, Janice defies his rules and lights up a ciggie in a stock room. To cut a long and rather tedious story short, she ends up locked in as the place goes up in flames. Nick returns and hears the alarm. Being a bright boy, he realises this means there's a fire. And, realising Janice is surrounded by flaming knickers, the brave lad rushes in to rescue her.

Alas, his deed is not rewarded. Underworld owner Mike Baldwin blames Nick for banning smoking and therefore causing the fire - and gives him the sack.

Karen and Steve McDonald return from honeymoon to find that troublesome Tracy is still living across the road with baby Amy, the infant formerly known as Patience. The Croppers, who bought the baby when she was Patience, have bad news about their baby bartering. What are the chances of Steve accepting his parental responsibilities? Will the Cropper continue to fight for custody? And will I be told off for asking too many questions? Answers on a postcard please.

Vicki, the most irritating girl in soap, continues her quest to embrace all the deadly sins in EastEnders (BBC1). Upset that she saw her brother and sister Dennis and Sharon kissing (it's legal, she's adopted and therefore not really related), she tries gambling and alcohol. But there's no excuse for sleeping with Ash after smashing a car window and playing strip poker. Please someone phone the police and get her locked up on a charge of adopting a false accent.

Paul and Natalie get closer, although playing happy families seems unlikely as Janine the Barry-killer won't want them to live happily ever after. Perhaps she'll add another notch to her bedpost and bump them off before Pam, currently wearing her Miss Marple hat, discovers the truth about Barry falling off a small hill and hitting his head.

Far more alarming is the idea of weasly Ian Beale pursuing Kate the Geordie manicurist. He wants more than his nails buffed.

The honeymoon is over for new bride Katie Sugden in Emmerdale (ITV1) when she spots her brother-in-law and former lover Robert snogging Donna. Clearly, what Katie does next will involve betraying husband Andy. Mind you, he wouldn't notice her being unfaithful if she sneaked Robert into their marital bed to have her way with him.

Wife and mum Dawn Woods won't win any sympathy as she succumbs to the dubious charms of Scott Windsor, a man so despicable that he took advantage of lesbian vet Zoe when she was drunk and impregnated her.

Sad Marlon (well, wouldn't you be if a chunk of the local pub fell on your wife?) retreats to the attic. He needs some time on his own and, horror of horrors, grows a beard - proof indeed that Marlon has gone off his head.

Published: 04/03/2004