SET in a redundant shipyard turned modern art gallery, Alan Plater's newest comedy takes a down-to-earth look at art and the common man through the eyes of Kev, the security guard, and Nev, his former school friend.

Nev appears shortly before midnight from behind a packing case. "Don't you recognise us?" he cries from behind his balaclava. A self-confessed waster, he's been sent by brother Trev to hide in the gallery after hours and await instructions. Kev decides to give him the benefit of the doubt and the two discuss the exhibits, which include a display of coal on sand entitled "Blyth Spirit" and some "lens-based iconography" which Kev explains is photos of old footballers.

The one-liners come thick and fast, delivered with casual expertise by Trevor Fox as Kev and the wonderful Joe Caffrey as likely lad Nev.

Instructions arrive in the shape of sculptor Bev, a spirited Helen Coker, abseiling down from the roof to take possession of the star exhibit, still in its packing case. Her ex-partner Charlie is exhibiting it in his own name and she's determined to stop him.

It's up to Kev, as head of security, to decide who the exhibit really belongs to and more help arrives in the shape of Bev's mum, a vicar, referred to as Rev. But it's Nev, the 'thick Geordie' who eventually comes up with the solution. Plater's dialogue sparkles and it all bowls along at a spanking pace.

Runs until March 22. Box Office: 0191-2321232.

Published: 04/03/2004