AT the Mayor of Richmond's Masked Ball a fortnight ago, the guest speaker William Hague recalled the two occasions he had appeared on the front cover of the satirical magazine Private Eye.

Most memorable, he said, was the picture of him taken when he was leader of the Conservative Party with Cecil Parkinson. The speech bubble coming out of his mouth said: "I want Unity in the Party." The bubble coming out of Cecil Parkinson's said: "Yes, but is she a goer?"

Mr Hague's memories of this were prompted by the presence of the D&S photographer, on duty for our Social and Personal feature (see page 27). Mr Hague was duly pictured in his rather striking Batman mask with his wife Ffion. Mr Hague wondered out loud how long it would be before the picture appeared in Private Eye.

Spectator can assure Mr Hague that the negatives are safe in Priestgate but he hopes the Richmond MP will forgive the D&S for holding our own one-off caption competition.

Suggestions please to Spectator's Notes, Darlington & Stockton Times, PO Box 14, Priestgate, Darlington DL1 1NF by next Wednesday morning, March 10. The finer selections will be published and the author of the best one will receive a bottle of champagne.

Anything remotely libellous or overly smutty will, of course, be instantly disqualified.