The Inspector Lynley Mysteries (BBC1); The Carrot Or The Stick (C4); I DON'T like Inspector Lynley. This posh detective is a mean boss.

No wonder his sidekick, common Barbara Havers, wears a permanent scowl on her face. In the first of the new series, he stood by - colluded, even - as she was demoted from sergeant to a uniformed constable. Her crime was shooting a fellow police officer with a flare gun, which sounds pretty serious until we hear her mitigating plea that her action saved a child's life.

Lynley was, however, quite happy to let her do all the detective work while he drove around in his posh car looking posh.

Lynley called for Havers when assigned to investigate a double murder in Derbyshire (nice scenery, shame about the bludgeoned and bloody corpses littering the countryside).

The local copper was pleased to see him, doffing his metaphorical cap and proclaiming, "What a great honour it is to be working with someone of your reputation".

Lynley then told Havers to get him a cup of tea. I'm surprised she didn't pour the boiling contents of the kettle down his trousers.

Lynley's a lousy copper, with sleuthing skills only marginally more proficient than those of Inspector Clouseau. If it hadn't been for Havers following up the clues, this case would never have been solved. Lynley was too busy talking to underused guest stars - Timothy West, Simon Williams, Sorcha Cusack - to spot the culprit.

If he was involved in The Carrot Or The Stick, Lynley would favour the latter method of getting his team to do things. The stick team are volunteers who've had their individual identities (as well as their hair) removed and are punished for failure.

The carrot team are motivated to succeed by support and encouragement. They are rewarded for doing well, and never punished.

Both teams are being put through a series of extreme military exercises to evaluate which method works best. The score was one victory each after the opening instalment.

One event was "milling", which is loosely based on boxing and involves two men thumping the living daylights out of one another. They weren't allowed to hide or turn away. The only defence was to go forward and hit back.

I can't imagine this was any more fun to do than to watch. Equally gruelling was a night in the sweat lodge, a primitive sauna where the carrot team stripped naked and sat in boiling temperatures waiting to be reborn. They looked uncomfortably hot.

Skinning a rabbit, as the stick team was required to do, looked a more attractive proposition than being boiled alive.

The programme continued with both teams pulling a Land Rover up a steep hill. The carrot team won to be rewarded with comfortable chairs, cigarettes and a football.

The losing stick team were required to dig a field throughout the night. I didn't see Havers among them, but wouldn't be surprised if Lynley doesn't make that her punishment if she disobeys his orders again.

Published: 05/03/2004