A QUICK dictionary definition of the word tontine, so called after an Italian banker named Lorenzo Tonti: "Loan on which annuities are paid instead of interest, each annuity increasing as the number of the subscribers diminishes by death, until the last to survive receives as much as all of them had at first shared among them."
Phew. We are but simple souls, and with a definition as long-winded as that one we cannot even pretend to understand Lorenzo Tonti's macabre machinations. Perhaps we should have consulted a pocket dictionary, which boils things down to the essentials for dunces.
What we can understand, though, is the Sunday menu offered by the two Mr McCoys at the Cleveland Tontine, a short monk's hop away from Mount Grace Priory.
You don't have to take out a loan, from Tonti's bank or any other institution, to eat here but you should be prepared to pay a little over the odds as Sunday lunches go.
A large framed newspaper cutting from 2000, when Messrs McCoy landed a contract from GNER to beef up meals on main line trains between London, Scotland, the North-East and Yorkshire, hangs on a wall and is easily missed by the irregular customer.
It reveals that a couple of colourful descriptions have been applied by imaginative visiting writers to this place nestling almost unnoticed in the fork of the A19 and A172.
The first scribe suggested that the whole atmosphere reminded him of a Welsh house of ill repute, to which Eugene McCoy responded cheerfully, reasonably and mischievously that the author must have had first hand knowledge.
The other thought the Tontine looked as if it had been cobbled together from bankrupt theatrical stock. And, having paid our first visit to the Tontine, who's arguing?
Anyone other than the amenable McCoys might have thought about suing, but Eugene and his brother Tom have taken the remarks in the spirit in which they were obviously intended, as a little literary licence.
The Tontine, now more generally known as McCoys, has clearly made its mark nationally as well as locally, and be assured that its client base appears to be entirely reputable, in no way connected with loose ladies or the proverbial rogues and vagabonds of the theatrical profession.
More research into the historic financial arrangements surrounding the Tontine, a former coaching inn reputedly built with subscriptions from local worthies, might be in order. All we can say here for our immediate purposes is that it's got atmosphere by the bucketful.
Entering from the side, we navigated our uncertain way through what seemed like a labyrinth of passages to a bar and bistro area done up in something approaching a thirties style.
Behind the bar was the chatty Chris, who has been part of the Tontine furniture for 25 years, lives at Richmond and insists on calling every customer the boss, even those who unwittingly breach protocol by picking up menus rather than waiting to have them delivered to the table.
The ceiling was low, combined with candles on tables and standard lamps which had either bulbs of the lowest possible wattage or shades of an almost impenetrable floral material. A coal fire burned in a hearth so enormous that it would not have been out of place in a steelworks. And by way of reflection we mustn't forget all those big mirrors, more than we have seen in any pub or restaurant before or since.
On a day when sleet was blown against the windows by a cold wind under a leaden sky, we could almost be back in coaching times were it not for the noise of articulated lorries swishing north and south on the A19 to meet the insatiable needs of a modern consumer society.
Shown to a corner table decked with a crisp white cloth, it soon became obvious that we would want for nothing. Staffing was such that someone was always on call, if only to answer a request for a jug of water.
While Chris the barman scurried between pumps and tables, Eugene McCoy himself appeared to help with the waiting and keep the operation running smoothly when there was a rush on, as indeed there proved to be on our visit.
From a menu which included fish dishes like halibut and sea bass as well as the customary roasts, I chose for a starter a tastefully prepared black pudding and leek risotto served in a huge plate. My companion's celery soup, selected to counteract the external temperature, was considered plentiful, thick, chunky and well flavoured.
My main course was a tender and succulent chicken portion anchored on a bed of creamed and mashed potato with sage. My companion's roast lamb with mustard cream and garlic, declared outstanding and served quite correctly without a Yorkshire pudding because that accessory should strictly be reserved for beef, was of such generous dimensions that it could have acted as a doorstop.
Accompanying vegetables were parsnips, boiled potatoes, peas, sauted cabbage and broccoli and, although the quality was unimpeachable, the general feeling was that a wider mixture would have been appreciated.
Desserts were respectively a chocolate pudding with corresponding sauce and ice cream and a lemon tart with mixed fruit and a raspberry coulis. Their home-made qualities shone through but, as with the main course, it was felt that the servings could have been rather more generous given the asking price.
We decided that these, our only reservations about a lunch undoubtedly of the highest order, were balanced by our surroundings, the general standard of service and the knowledge that, although we were making our first visit, we had been welcomed just as warmly as the most regular customer.
The McCoys, whose parents ran a Middlesbrough pub, have owned the Tontine for almost 28 years and have another restaurant at Yarm. The two establishments depend, like the continuing GNER train contract, on local produce where possible and wine comes from a Thirsk supplier.
Eugene, who had an early encounter with the Master Chef television programme and claimed to have swapped drinks with some leading practitioners of the culinary arts, said: "We have always tried to make the Tontine welcoming, to try to keep staff and make it family orientated. The more relaxed people are the more they enjoy it. It has always been family run.
"We have always been open on Sunday lunchtimes but they have really taken off in the last year. We now average between 55 and 60 people."
He added: "When you come next time, let me know and we'll have a drink."
We may take him up on that. All round a warm, lovely and loveable experience.
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