AS they say down the East End, "The family that slays together, stays together." So the Watts clan should be very happy indeed - once the cupboards have been cleared of skeletons.

Dirty Den is unhappy in EastEnders (BBC1) at the love match between son Dennis and adopted daughter Sharon.

This is the love that dare not speak its name, mainly because no one's quite sure of the word for an affair between a brother and sister who aren't actually related.

Anyway, Den tries to sabotage the relationship by telling Sharon that she's shacked up with a murderer. Dennis, you may recall, shot local gangster Jack Dalton not so long ago. Den is hardly whiter than white in the criminal department, so he has a cheek grassing up other people and their dirty deeds.

The big question is whether Sharon will want to share her bed with a killer. I mean, telling him to keep to his side of the bed could have fatal repercussions.

Over at the Queen Vic, it's Seventies night which doesn't mean that Dot, Jim and the other old codgers are getting cheap drinks. No, it's an excuse for everyone to dress up in fashions from a bygone era.

Fish and chip shop fryer Ian Beale comes over all groovy and pulls on his flares to pull Kate the Geordie cuticle cutsie. What is the secret of his success with women? It must be the eau de haddock that lingers about his person.

The Ferreiras are still in the Square unfortunately, trying to raise the money to stop their home being repossessed. The brothers are even reduced to selling dad Dan the disappearing man's Elvis suit.

In Coronation Street (ITV1), mad Maya finds devious Dev's hidden bag of cash. When the police arrive to ask about a robbery in which Dev might have been involved, she's stunned - and annoyed that he didn't ask her to team up as Weatherfield's Bonnie and Clyde.

Money problems too for Fiz, who's horrified to find she's gone over her credit card limit. She blames Maria, but we all know that it's her horrible mum Cilla that's forged her signature.

Mother trouble too for Shelley round at the Rovers. Mum Bev makes a pass at former lover, barman Ciaran, and ends up packing her bags. She finds herself in good company as daughter Shelley throws a tantrum, resigns from the pub and packs her bags too. Still, they can share a taxi out of Weatherfield.

Tracy, who's shaping up to be the world's worst mother, has a new man. She neglects to tell him she's a single mum, afraid that he won't hang around if the truth emerges.

There's one thing worse that finding out your ex-husband's been having an affair - and that's discovering the object of his affections is your own sister. In Emmerdale (ITV1), the Woolpack's Diane finds out that's what's been happening after ex-hubby Rodney comes to blows with Danny, who's also been bedding sister Val.

Katie, another Emmerdale woman keeping two men on the go at once, finally admits that she's in love with Robert. Her decision comes a bit late, as she married his brother Andy only the other week.

Published: 01/04/2004