Caring for the living and the dead

MENTION the words funeral director and an image of a man in top hat and tails springs involuntarily to mind - someone a little forbidding, perhaps, or slightly sinister.

Bobby Hopkin-Hoggarth couldn't be further from the stereotype. A softly-spoken Scot with a welcoming smile and a sense of humour, she's one of the growing number of women joining the funeral profession.

Bobby is Divisional Funeral Manager for Co-operative Funeral Services, covering an area that includes Gateshead, Washington, Gilesgate and Seaham. Her role is to support staff, ensure that the funerals are of a high standard and see that the clients' needs are met. She also teaches embalming. "That can be a conversation stopper," she says with a wry grin.

Bobby started work as a funeral director in 1992, following time as a police officer and a paramedic. She had always been interested in the funeral business and it seemed like a natural progression from her previous jobs. "I enjoy being in a caring role. This was just caring in a different way," she says.

During the early 1990s there was only a handful of female funeral directors, but this has changed dramatically over the last ten years. Recent figures from the National Association of Funeral Directors show that ten women were awarded the diploma in funeral directing in 2000. By 2003, it had increased three-fold, and of the four directors in Gateshead who work under Bobby, two are female.

"Women have always been in the profession. When you go back in history, very often the care of the deceased was done by a local lady. They just weren't usually funeral directors themselves," says Bobby.

Although she is keen to point out that men are just as sensitive - after all, they've led the profession until recently - there do seem to be certain elements of the job that appeal to women. For Bobby, undertaking is primarily about care - care for the deceased and for the bereaved up to and sometimes beyond the funeral.

"I think you have to be very caring first and foremost," she says. "When you are dealing with bereaved families, you do have to offer them a very high level of care, and I think that for most funeral directors it's a vocation. It's something that you must really want to do and it is incredibly rewarding. It's the most rewarding job I've ever done."

People come to funeral directors at what is probably one of the worst moments of their lives. They're shocked, bereaved, vulnerable and in need of both practical help and compassion.

"It's a huge privilege to look after people at that time," says Bobby. "If you lose a house or a car or an expensive piece of jewellery, it can be replaced. If you lose someone you love, they can't, and that can be extremely hard to come to terms with. Also, you're entrusting that person into someone else's care. It's an honour and nearly every funeral director I've known says that's a very important part of what they do."

The notion of a woman in a man's place has become commonplace. Women are taking on what were once seen as male jobs in increasing numbers, but while few people are fazed by female funeral directors, eyebrows are often raised at the idea of women as embalmers.

Bobby describes embalming as a service to the dead for the benefit of the living, giving families the opportunity to see their loved one at peace. She learned embalming as a trainee funeral director and now passes on her skills to students from across the North-East. She is currently teaching eight students, three of whom are women. It's an intensive 18-month course with both theory and practical sessions, and it's hard work, requiring a detailed knowledge of anatomy and physiology and chemistry, as well as a certain emotional toughness.

"I believe it's really important that you ensure the same level of respect for someone that's dead as for someone who's living. They're still the same person and you are caring for somebody - somebody's mum, dad or child. It could never be just a job. The day that it becomes just a job will be the time for me to leave."

But while Bobby and her colleagues can distance themselves to some extent, their job requires sympathy and understanding. No-one can switch off entirely and it's inevitable that they are affected by what they see.

"I don't think you ever totally separate yourself from it but there is an unspoken network of support in the group. There are some things that are hard to deal with - there are in any job - but with the support of your colleagues, you get through."

Bobby is based at the Co-op's funeral division in Gateshead, which has just undergone a major refurbishment. The atmosphere is light and welcoming. The arranging room, where families come to discuss their requirements with the directors, is a relaxed and friendly space that could almost be someone's living room. It dispels any ideas I may have been harbouring about the gloomy and macabre nature of the funeral trade.

"I certainly don't see it that way," she says. "I see it as a caring, helpful role. I've never understood where that image came from and I've certainly never met anyone who met those criteria. We are all ordinary people with the same lifestyle as everyone else who isn't a funeral director."

Death used to be a taboo subject but that has started to change in recent years, thanks in no small part to television. Documentaries have gone some way to eradicating the myths associated with the trade, while the cult American show Six Feet Under has sparked huge interest in funeral directing as a profession. While Bobby admits she's never tuned in to the American black comedy she has certainly seen an effect on the way funeral directing is viewed by the public.

"I think people see the role differently from the way they did 20 to 30 years ago. They may never have thought about it before but those programmes go out on TV and suddenly people start considering it as a career. It's not glamorous exactly but it's much more acceptable. It's a wonderful career regardless of your sex."