WHEN Gavin Hamilton runs in to bowl his first ball for Durham in the County Championship, he will be telling himself: "It's just another cricket match."
The alternative is to worry himself sick that the ball might leave his hand travelling in any direction other than the one he intends.
The 29-year-old all-rounder is delighted to have a fresh start with Durham after being released by Yorkshire because he could no longer bowl straight.
It started two years ago in a pre-season match against the Leeds/Bradford students, when he suddenly sent down nine wides.
"There had been no sign of it whatsoever in practice," he said. "I can look back now and say I should have just told myself that I had bowled a bad spell and it can happen to anybody.
"I should have shrugged it off and got on with it.
"Instead I looked into it and it had a snowball effect. It just drained me. I felt under added pressure because I was a pivotal player in the side and I couldn't just sneak off into the background.
"I found it very hard to cope with something I had never experienced, but a lot of people have suffered it in their own ways.
"I should have dealt with it by telling myself I was not the only person to send a few down the leg side."
Hamilton played in the opening championship match in 2002 and took one for 48 in 11 overs in an innings defeat by Surrey. It was his last first-class wicket until he took three against Durham University on Monday.
He was left out until mid-June, when Yorkshire recalled him against Sussex at Headingley, but in his only over he bowled five wides and a no-ball. In his only championship appearance since he didn't bowl.
He has seen psychologists and even a hypnotist in his attempts to overcome the problem and says: "They are all very good in what they do, and every little bit helps, but my problem was just being covered up. The only person who can deal with it is me.
"I did a lot of research into it, and even read books about visualisation. It's really easy to say you should visualise your good balls or your good shots, but you have to know how to do it. I was chasing my own tail thinking I was the only person to go through it.
"Yorkshire was fantastic for me from the time I started there in the academy, but they had never dealt with anything like this and it was a shock to them not to be able to pick a team around me."
Not surprisingly Hamilton lost the desire to bowl and concentrated on his batting last season, which he feels has benefited.
"In a funny way I'm quite glad this has happened because I had neglected my batting.
"Last season I played second X1 cricket and was picked for the first team for one-day games and one championship match just as a batsman.
"I feel I've gone from being a number seven to someone who can bat higher up, so if and when my bowling comes right I should be a handy asset.
"I hope a change of scene will help. Durham have a fantastic set of lads, it's a young club and things are going really well.
"Martyn Moxon was my first captain at Yorkshire. He knows what makes me tick and I know he expects high standards.
"When he approached me and said he wanted me as an all-rounder I didn't know whether I wanted to put myself through it all again.
"But I'm really enjoying it here and look forward to turning up in the morning as opposed to dreading it.
"Martyn is relying on me to get it sorted and as long as we are up front with each other there will be no problem.
"I'll be nervous in my first championship match for Durham against Hampshire, but I get nervous before any cricket match because I don't like to let my standards slip.
"But I just have to think of it as another game of cricket. I know I have got a lot of good cricketers out in the past and there's no reason why I shouldn't do it again."
Hamilton was born in Broxburn, Scotland, but left when he was seven and went to school in Kent until he was 16, when his dad's work took the family back to Scotland.
His dad, also Gavin, became president of the West Lothian club and it was while playing there that Durham's new recruit was spotted by former Leicestershire player and first-class umpire Jack Van Geloven, who was coaching at Fettes College.
"He was a good friend of the Yorkshire coach Doug Padgett, so that's how I got a trial and came to join the academy," said Hamilton.
"I had a frustrating two or three years trying to get into a strong side, but in I learnt from some good players and took it on board, and in 1998 I had four or five months where runs and wickets were coming easily.
"I thought I might get in the England one-day side, but I was surprised and delighted to be picked for the full tour of South Africa in 1999.
"I continued my good form, but it was still a shock to be picked for a Test. We lost the toss and suddenly we were two for four. It was not as though I was the only person to fail in that match, but nothing much was said to me and not getting picked again was a tough pill to swallow.
"It took me a couple of weeks to get over it, but I still tried to do everything right. As long as you know within yourself you are doing that everything else is out of your hands."
With his England career apparently over, Hamilton has gone back to playing for Scotland and it was while playing for them against Durham aged 19 in 1993 that he bowled Ian Botham at the Chester-le-Street club ground.
His brother Andrew lives locally and has played for Chester-le-Street, while he knows Durham's commercial manager Gordon Hollins very well as they played at West Lothian together.
So Gavin already feels at home, and while it might be too late for him to be the new Botham in the England side, he might just be the best all-rounder Durham have had since the big man retired.
Read more about Durham County Cricket Club here.
Comments: Our rules
We want our comments to be a lively and valuable part of our community - a place where readers can debate and engage with the most important local issues. The ability to comment on our stories is a privilege, not a right, however, and that privilege may be withdrawn if it is abused or misused.
Please report any comments that break our rules.
Read the rules hereComments are closed on this article