WHEN is a soap not a soap? When it's a continuing drama, according to the British Academy of Film and Television Arts. What's the difference between a drama series and a drama serial? And - last question, I promise - differentiate between a comedy and a situation comedy.
All will be revealed, along with the winners and losers, as The British Academy Television Awards are handed out this weekend.
At least I can declare with total confidence that EastEnders will come away empty-handed. A re-jig of categories, with best soap replaced by best continuing drama, has opened up the competition to any series that screens at least 20 episodes a year.
The result is that only one true soap, Coronation Street, has been nominated. Its great rival, EastEnders, has been omitted from the short list which also features police drama The Bill and a pair of hospital series, Casualty and Holby City.
There was debate too about whether the most recent Prime Suspect was a drama series or drama serial, while The Office Christmas Special was initially left out after the BBC failed to put the comedy forward due to what was described as an administrative error. Bafta judges used their discretion to add it to the finalists.
Ant and Dec, ITV1's most valuable asset, have two chances with both their Saturday Night Takeaway and Pop Idol up for the Lew Grade Award for Entertainment Programme. They face tough competition. Not so much from Have I Got News For You, which just isn't the same in these post-Angus Deayton days, but from Friday Night With Jonathan Ross.
My heart says Ant and Dec but I reckon Ross, whose uses his chat show as a vehicle for embarrassing and insulting his guests, might go home with the prize. So who else is going to win?
ACTOR: The man tipped to be the new Doctor Who and the man who actually got the job face off for best actor. Expect Bill Nighy's newspaper editor in State Of Play to win over Christopher Eccleston's risen messiah in The Second Coming. Jim Broadbent (The Young Visitors) and David Morrissey (State Of Play) are also nominated.
ACTRESS: Gina McKee and Miranda Richardson represent the BBC's superb drama The Lost Prince, shamefully omitted in the drama categories. A winner is more likely to come from Calendar Girl co-stars Julie Walters, for The Wife Of Bath in the Canterbury Tales, and Helen Mirren, reprising her tough tec Jane Tennison in Prime Suspect.
COMEDY PERFORMANCE: Ricky Gervais is nominated for The Office Christmas Special (as is Martin Freeman) but David Brent has had his moment of glory. Give the prize to Matt Lucas or David Walliams for Little Britain. Or better still, give it to both of them. That would be fairer.
ENTERTAINMENT PERFORMANCE: Tory MP Boris Johnson's buffoonish performance presenting Have I Got News For You was hilarious, but hardly award-worthy. And should Jonathan Ross be quite so entertaining at the expense of guests in Friday Night With JR? Stephen Fry's QI, first on BBC3, probably wasn't seen by enough people. Which leaves old Have I Got News favourite Paul Merton as the winner.
SINGLE DRAMA: The Wife Of Bath has been singled out from the Canterbury Tales, along with two real life dramas - Danielle Cable: Eyewitness and The Deal, the story of the Blair/Brown restaurant meeting (allegedly) on leading the party. The smart money is on This Little Life, an emotional drama about a premature baby.
DRAMA SERIES: C4's prison drama Buried was just that - buried late at night in the schedule and seen by too few. Clocking Off lost its way in its last series. William And Mary, with Martin Clunes and Julie Graham, has just ended a successful second series without losing viewers. But it would be good to see good, solid, old-fashioned drama like Foyle's War rewarded in this category.
DRAMA SERIAL: Paul Abbot's political thriller State Of Play deserves to win. Russell T Davies's The Second Coming, about Christ's return to Earth, earns points for being different and daring. Prime Suspect showed there was still life in the series, while Charles II: The Power And The Passion gave us history with a twist and Rufus Sewell as a new royal heartthrob.
FACTUAL SERIES OR STRAND: Both The National Trust and Operatunity, a highbrow Pop Idol, made excellent reality TV. Quite how you compare those with Leonardo, about the Sistine Ceiling painter, I don't know. The winner should be Seven Wonders Of The Industrial World for the sheer scope of the recreations of awe-inspiring industrial creations.
DOCUMENTARY: Wife Swap should win for taking a good idea and turning it into brilliant television. Both that and the C4 property show Grand Designs are big ratings winners too. We can discount Top Gear as being in need of an MOT, but That'll Teach Em, which sent 21st century students back to 1950s school, proved a fascinating experiment and could pull a surprise win.
SITUATION COMEDY: The Office Christmas Special must be favourite, as voters won't get another chance to vote for David Brent. ITV1's Hardware, Marion And Geoff, and Peep Show provide the opposition.
COMEDY PROGRAMME OR SERIES: A win for Little Britain - and some glory for BBC3 where the series began - over Bo Selecta, Creature Comforts: Cats Or Dogs? And Double Take (which, I have to admit, I can't even remember).
*The British Academy Television Awards: ITV1, Monday, 9-10.30pm and 11-11.30 pm, and ITV2, Tuesday, 7.30pm.
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