MEN at a Tory club in Cumbria have hit on a novel idea. They have banned women from the bar so men can feel free to swear. There is only one small problem with this: lots of women swear too. But otherwise it is brilliant.

We are used to smoke-free zones in bars and restaurants, while office workers are pushed out in the cold when they want to light up. In Ireland they are even banned from pubs altogether.

Now, that the aptly-named Cockermouth Conservative Club has begun cordoning off people who swear, could this be the first step towards treating the foul-mouthed like social lepers too?

Because, in creating a swearers only bar, the club has by implication turned the rest of its premises into a blissfully swear-free zone. This could be the beginning of something big.

I cannot take my children anywhere now without hearing people effing and blinding all around us. After a trip to the cinema, it is ironic they can end up listening to the sort of offensive language they're not allowed to hear in the strictly regulated PG or 12-rated film they've just seen while they sit in McDonalds afterwards.

Whether we're at the beach, in the supermarket or watching a football match from the family stand, we're sure to come across vile, abusive language. And it's not just coming from loud-mouthed yobs. It's seeping into every area of our lives, a part of everyday language. On Tuesday, a new TV programme, chef Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares, contained the most concentrated burst of swearing ever heard on British television. And Sunderland-born children's author Terry Deary complained this week that a youngster sent an e-mail from his school computer telling him to f*** off.

I don't want to ban people from swearing, I have uttered the odd four-letter word under my breath myself in moments of crisis. But I do want to be able to get away from it sometimes, especially when I'm with my children.

Cockermouth, in keeping those who want to let rip away from the rest of us, has unwittingly hit on the right idea. Let's hope it catches on.

A TEENAGER was convicted for assault after punching his girlfriend's dad on the Trisha show when DNA test results revealed he was not the father of a baby he thought was his. Well, I am truly shocked. How come it's taken this long for someone to resort to violence on the Trisha show? Isn't the whole point of this trashy TV programme to goad people to breaking point? Trisha should just be thankful it wasn't her who got the fist in the face.

THE wellbeing and overall happiness of young people drops dramatically once they get to secondary school, according to research. But remember, these are teenagers we're talking about. And, to teenagers, everything is boring, life is so unfair and... whatever. Teenagers work hard at being miserable. Show me one who is constantly happy, smiling and enthusiastic and then I'd worry.

IT couldn't have been more straightforward. A woman who wasn't wearing her seatbelt was killed in what was essentially a drink driving accident. That's the conclusion French detectives came to after a two-year investigation into the death of Diana, Princess of Wales. Yet now the Metropolitan Police Commissioner himself has visited the Paris crash scene as part of a further £2m investigation expected to take 15 months. Seven years on, there are lots of loony conspiracy theories flying around, all totally unfounded. Sir John Stevens's investigation is simply a waste of time and money. Isn't there enough real crime to deal with in Britain right now?