"WELL, I'm never rude about anyone," said my wife on Thursday without the slightest fear of a heavenly thunderbolt striking the house. To be fair, the warm glow of the last Parkinson (BBC1, Saturday) did seem to last some time. Not only did guest Patrick Kielty unbelievably discuss The Corrs as "Ireland's Jackson Five without the interest in small boys" but Parky's farewell interviewee was Bruce Forsyth who turned out to be hilariously funny.

"Look at those wrinkles down one side of his face," said my carefully-spoken partner as Brucie teased Parky about taking nearly 30 years to invite him back on his show.

And not many 76-year-old's would be game to host Strictly Come Dancing from tonight. It took the mighty efforts of Boris Becker to halt Brucie's determination to "give us a twirl" 33 times by throwing his arms around the veteran performer.

Undeterred, Brucie went on to grumble comically about jazz star Jamie Cullum using his feet to play the piano before showing off his own keyboard skills, complete with running commentary.

Meanwhile, the man who you always think of as "Parky" using a Mrs Merton accent brought down the curtain on a 33-year BBC chat show career. He won't be the same on ITV. Chat shows with commercial breaks are unlikely to assist Parky's slow-burn charm.

Last week, my other half seemed to be armed with a mental knitting needle as she tried to influence the choices in Get A New Life (BBC2, Wednesdays) as the series introduced us to some of the thousands desperate to make a fresh start elsewhere in the world.

"Well I hope they're not chosen and I don't like them," she jabbed as presenters Melissa Porter and Scott Huggins showed us how families were selected to have a crack at living in another country.

What soon became apparent was popular destinations like USA, Canada and Australia were outside the influence of TV programme makers. If a family hadn't already gone a couple of years into the process they were wasting their time\'85 so the candidates selected themselves and you wonder why it was supposed to be worth filming. However, the first couple featured this week were Brian and Alysson Davies from Wales who'd opted for Spain.

"Look, she's depressed and can't work, he can't find a job, they don't speak Spanish and haven't sold their house in Britain," said my expert summeriser.

Apparently we'll have updates on the Davies' progress next week.

All that paled against the incredible scenes in Risking It All (C4, Wednesday) as wealthy single mother Colette Mallon poured £250,000 in an upmarket urban beauty spa in Bath. She'd recruited a last-minute business partner Betsi Hughes, wife of a millionaire, who'd stumped up £50,000 and thought hard graft was giving up a long lunch with a pal.

Just when the bank was getting nasty over a further loan of £30,000, Colette saved the day by selling her second home which she'd bought as her "pension".

Strangely enough, the business survived and is now successful. Wouldn't it be easy to say something rude at this point?

Published: 17/05/2004