Celebrities Disfigured (C4)

Body Talk (C4)

BY Celebrities Disfigured, they didn't mean Tanya having her talon-like nails removed as she transferred from Footballers' Wives to behind the bars of HMP Larkhall in Bad Girls.

Tanya's plight will be considered in more detail in this column later this week as there are more pressing matters, such as people's reaction to disfigurement and Tony Blair's chin tuck.

In the past, C4 has had celebrities posing as blind and wheelchair users to test public reaction to those with disabilities. Celebrities Disfigured gave two familiar faces - belonging to Red Dwarf's Craig Charles and model Caprice - major blemishes to see, through secret filming, how the public reacted in social situations.

Charles' prosthetics were modelled on Martin's third degree burns, while Caprice was given a port wine stain similar to Debbie's in four-hour make-up sessions.

Past experiments highlighted the practical difficulties of being blind or wheelchair-bound. Disfigurement elicits an emotional reaction which made for a more difficult and less interesting programme. All too often, the pair were reduced to asking people what they thought instead of us witnessing reactions.

People didn't so much stare, as look away. In a crowded space, Charles found that others automatically kept away from him. In a bar, he found it difficult to order a drink because the barman wouldn't look at him. He had the same problem when he gatecrashed a Red Dwarf convention in disguise and his co-stars ignored his attempt to ask a question.

Caprice fared slightly better. A manicurist in a department store told her not to worry, and a local skater came to her rescue at the ice rink.

But I couldn't help feeling that the recollections of people with disfigurements were more moving and valuable than the staged efforts of the disfigured celebrities.

And so to Mr Blair's chin tuck, as revealed in Body Talk. This isn't a reference to corrective surgery but one of the Prime Minister's tell-tale behavioural traits, as revealed by psychologist Peter Collett. He told how to spot the clues and read someone's mind.

How politicians shake hands, touch each other's arm and fiddle with their cufflinks exposes their inner feelings. Blair uses the defensive chin tuck when being harangued. President Bush bites the inside of his mouth when anxious. Ex-President Clinton's eyes narrow when he wants to appear sincere. When world leaders get together, there's an explosion of "tells" as they fight for the upper hand with hidden gestures.

Gordon Brown's body language was a real giveaway during the PM's speech at the last Labour Party conference. Collett watched, not for signs of a knife in the back, but of Brown's discomfort tells while his leader was talking. He played with his cuffs 29 times, among 322 other discomfort tells.

Prince William strokes the top of his head as he enters the public arena, and then again when he leaves. It runs in the family - his father Prince Charles is the King of Tells with his tie fiddle, jacket fiddle, pocket fiddle and cufflink fiddle.

If you've ever wondered why the Queen clasps her hands together, the answer is simple. "The job is a lonely one," says Collett. "She has no-one's hand to hold, so she holds her own".