PARENTS of baby boys should treat them as gently as girls if they want them to succeed in life. That's the message from experts, who say boys taught to be tough are less confident and more aggressive.

Dr Sebastian Kraemer, a child psychiatrist at London's Whittington Hospital, says boys are naturally fragile, and parents should treat them as gently as girls to compensate. Newborn boys lag behind girls in most respects, he says, and later they get poorer exam results, and are more likely to be depressed and commit crimes.

''If parents know boys are a bit behind in their development and generally weaker in every way except muscle, they will do a better job than they are doing now. If you want a real man, treat your baby boy as weak not as strong, then he will become strong.''

The critical period is in the first month of life, when the brain is still developing. Kraemer says that from then on, mollycoddling builds genuine self-confidence. ''It means looking after your baby like a fragile creature, not a little lump of muscle. If boys are treated in a tough way they are more likely to become football hooligans than generous, strong, courageous men.''

Psychologist Steve Biddulph, author of the best-selling parenting book Raising Boys, agrees. ''Really secure and strong men actually come from loving parents who treat them with tenderness and warmth. Boys' development is slowed down in the womb as they become more definitely male, and so in infancy, they are less responsive.''

He says boys are more prone to separation anxiety than girls, and being put in a creche under the age of two-and-a-half is not good for them, as they can become anxious and aggressive as a result.

But although little boys are emotionally fragile, there's nothing wrong with a bit of rough and tumble play, which helps them learn to manage anxiety, and be excited safely. And from about two onwards, they love their parents to pretend to be a tiger or monster and chase them, wrestle and tickle. The rest of the time though, the key word is gentle.

''For boys, the early years are about learning to love and trust,'' says Biddulph. ''With this in place, from loving parents who take the time, a boy becomes more secure and sociable. In the past, when we wanted men to be soldiers, this wasn't such a problem, but today's man needs to have people skills above all. It's crucial that we raise a well-rounded and secure kind of man, and babyhood is the vital time for this.'' When a boy is born, he is often less responsive to smiles and cuddles than a girl. This means his parents have to work harder to make contact, by looking at his face, smiling, and cuddling, tickling or moving him so he chuckles or shows enjoyment.

''This will help to switch on his sociability and enjoyment of people,'' says Biddulph. ''It's only a small difference, and most parents get it right. What went wrong in the past was parents felt they shouldn't do these tender things, and were more cool or distant or even harsh for fear of making a boy soft.''

l Raising Boys by Steve Biddulph (Thorsons, £7.99