When Debbie Nichol started fostering, she admits she was a little naive in thinking she would get a lovely child who was always saying thank you. Now she knows better, but that doesn't mean she has any regrets, as Nick Morrison discovers.

DEBBIE and her husband John have developed a grading system to let each other know how bad they are feeling, on a scale of one to ten. Covered in bruises, the Christmas dinner on the floor, the bathroom flooded and their daughter's presents trashed - Christmas was a nine.

"We didn't think we could continue. He was constantly throwing things, he was kicking and biting, I was covered in bruises. It was absolutely awful and we thought 'How can we go on like this?'," Debbie says.

"He destroyed a lot of Charlotte's Christmas presents, ripped clothes, threw food, tipped the table over when we were having our Christmas dinner. It was a rough time."

Christmas has been the low point for Debbie and John Nichol and their 15-year-old daughter Charlotte since Jonathan arrived in their Gateshead home last September.

Jonathan, now eight, is the fifth child to be fostered by Debbie and John, but the first who has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). He also has learning difficulties.

After the disaster that was Christmas, Debbie says the family sat down to discuss whether they could cope.

"We talked about it, and Charlotte as well, because she had a really rough Christmas and she was covered in bruises as well. But Christmas is a very difficult time for children who have been in the care system.

"You just keep on going. You ask yourself 'Why?'. 'Why do I keep on doing this?' But then you just look at him. There is something about him.

"This little boy has been let down so many times. At the age of seven he had been in five or six different placements, because his carers couldn't cope with his behaviour. He just really had a raw deal."

Although Debbie and John, who have both worked in residential homes for young people, had ten years experience of fostering when Jonathan came along, his behavioural problems mean he has presented them with an entirely new set of challenges.

'When he first moved in, he would flood the bathroom, smash furniture. He needs supervision 24/7 - he has to be watched all the time.

"You can't let him play out in the back garden because he'd be hanging on the line. He is very vulnerable and has no sense of danger: he will speak to anyone who goes past.

"He follows you around the house; he has got to be sitting on your knee or climbing all over you," says Debbie, 39.

But after each tantrum, Jonathan would be filled with remorse, fuelling the same low self-esteem which meant he hated to look at photographs of himself.

"One of the things he said when he moved in was, 'Have I got bad blood in me? Because nobody likes me'. He really didn't value himself, and would say, 'Nobody wanted me'.

"After each rage he felt so bad about himself, especially when he would see the bruises on your face. After he had a rage or broke furniture he used to say, 'Do I have to leave now?' We said no. We just cuddled him."

Jonathan is now on medication to help moderate his behaviour and for three nights every three weeks he goes to a short-break carer, part of Barnardo's Family Support Service. These three nights are the only time Debbie and John, 50, get a decent night's sleep.

"He wakes up during the night and he can go three nights without sleeping at all, so you sleep almost on a trigger's edge, with your ears open, listening for him. You never really get into a deep sleep, apart from those three nights," says Debbie.

The stability, and the medication, have seen improvements in Jonathan's behaviour, as well as his self-esteem. He has started to take an interest in his appearance, putting gel on his hair.

But Debbie and John still knew they were taking a risk when they took him on holiday to Tenerife earlier in the summer.

"When he has a tantrum he has a tantrum, and the thought of him being on an aeroplane in that confined space... We really thought about it, but until you give someone the opportunity you don't know," Debbie says.

"He had never been on an aeroplane before and he loved it. It was hard work because we had to be with him all the time because of his vulnerability, but he was absolutely fantastic. Although it was very, very hard work; I would not lie about that."

Debbie says they have worked hard to break the cycle of tantrum followed by feeling bad, and it does seem to have made a difference. Jonathan has become more confident, and his teachers say he is making progress, after missing much of his education through moving around every few months. He still gets upset when people visit, though. "He thinks they're going to take him away," Debbie says.

But Debbie makes no bones about it being hard work, and the importance of both the short-break care and the support she receives from her parents, who help look after Jonathan.

"John and I don't have a conversation when he is around. The only time we talk is when he's gone to bed, and then we're so tired," she says.

"Every day is a challenge because every day something happens, but he is much more settled now, liking himself and valuing himself, and after the holiday he was looking at photographs of himself.

"We always try to let him think that he is making choices. He is only eight, but it is letting him have little bits of control over his life, giving him choices and making him feel involved. Some days you will have a great day, some days it will be awful."

Despite Christmas being one of those awful days, Debbie says she has no regrets about becoming a foster carer, and about taking on a child with ADHD. It may be tough, but she says it can also be very rewarding.

"We get so much out of this placement: just seeing in a short spell how he has developed. He is doing well and he is just gorgeous - although I wasn't saying that at 20 past four this morning when he had had enough sleep.

"I feel that so many people have disliked him and not seen the little boy, just seen the bad behaviour. That little boy is a really kind, caring, loving, sensitive child, but people haven't seen that.

"It has been an awful time for him. He doesn't have any contact with his family, but what we can do is give him unconditional love and make his future a little bit brighter. I feel we really could make a difference to this little boy."

* Some of the names in this article have been changed.

* Barnardo's is looking for short-break carers to help look after children with ADHD. Potential carers should call Barnardo's North-East on 0191-240 4811/4848 for more information.