SPACE is at a premium in Soapland's very own Trollops Hall of Fame but space must be made for Sarah Platt, the Weatherfield girl who just can't say 'No'. Next week she surpasses herself in Coronation Street (ITV1). She's already been a gymslip mother at 13. She caused Todd to give up his university place and move in with her. Her second child died after a few hours.

Now she gets drunk and crawls into bed with Todd's brother Jason. As Jim Bowen used to say on Bullseye, there are no prizes for two in a bed (except in Nip/Tuck where threesomes are the norm).

Does Sarah think the Grimshaw boys are there to be used like some two-for-one offer on the shelf at Sainsburys? Surely she remembers it wasn't two minutes ago that randy Jason was trying it on with her mother, Gail the hamster.

Okay, so she's had a few problems. The father of her child, a young tearaway, was killed and his obsessed mother kidnapped the child. Todd turned out to be gay and cheated on her with a man. And having a small rodent as a parent is unusual.

If her choice in men is poor, her employment record is even worst. Even grannie Audrey sacked her from her job at the hairdressers because she was useless. Most recently, she lasted only a night as a waitress at Ciaran's posh caf.

Now a drunken Sarah does the dirty with Jason. The way of the world means they're caught in a compromising position in the bedroom by Todd coming out of the closet.

He reacts like a drama queen - only to be expected, I suppose - and packs his bags and catches a bus out of Weatherfield. Oh Sarah, what have you done? Get out of the house quick before his mother Eileen, the human equivalent of hurricane Ivan, discovers you're to blame for her beloved son's departure.

Round at the Kabin, Norris is getting hot under the collar and sneaking a peak at the latest top shelf edition of Pigeon Fanciers' Weekly isn't the cause. The come-hither looks of passionate pensioner Rula Romanoff are to blame. She contrives to have him stay the night at her pad, where she wanders around in her nightie.

Mad Maya's latest scheme to pay back Devious Dev is to marry someone using the name of his fiancee Sunita. This revenge plan seems unnecessarily complicated. Why doesn't she just burn down his corner shop? Wedding bells in Emmerdale (ITV1) as cancer-stricken Diane and Flat Cap Jack walk down the aisle - to the unwelcome sound of her sister Val revealing the name of her own son's father.

Scheming Steph is still staging her own version of Stephen King's Misery by keeping her sick father Alan Turner confined to bed while she nicks his money. He may catch on to what's happening once she takes a sledgehammer to his legs.

Sonia in EastEnders (BBC1) may soon twig that husband Martin has a stalker, namely Sarah the girl he slept with during a drunken night out.

Before you get the wrong impression, it's another Sarah, not Sarah Platt - although, frankly, I wouldn't rule out a cross-soap romance in the light of her past sexual record.

Published: 16/09/2004