Steph Stokes has always been a bit of a worry. Apart from sounding like that common bird wot wafted in from Luton Airport, she always looks like she's spent too long under the sun lamp. The effects of all those rays have turned her into a homicidal maniac, determined to stage her own version of the Stephen King story Misery in Emmerdale (ITV1).

The story so far: Steph has pushed her old dad Alan down the stairs and is now holding him prisoner in his bed, drugging his drink to keep him dopey. Anyone who asks is told that the poor chap is losing his marbles.

Steph is ensuring he's losing his savings by raiding his bank balance at regular intervals, when she's not grinding up tranquilisers to drop into his bedtime cocoa.

Don't expect the unexpected return of his former love Shelly, driven away by possessive Steph a few months ago, will save Alan from a fate worse than having to watch endless repeats of Richard and Judy.

Shelly fails to obey the unwritten rule of avoiding steep flights of stairs in Steph's presence - and is promptly shoved down them into the cellar. Before you can say Kathy Bates, she's trussed up a shocked Shelly like a Christmas turkey as the prelude to disposing of her for good. Let's hope she spares her the indignity of a sage and onion stuffing.

Pearl is also being stuffed by the attitude of the rest of the villagers, alarmed that her rapist son is set to move in with her. Oop at t'farm, Andy is wisely worried for his future after Cain informs him that he'd kill anyone who went near his teenage daughter Debbie. While Cain's been away, Andy's been helping her lose her virginity.

The girls in Coronation Street (ITV1) are fighting over Jamie. Leanne the Trollop's got him and intends to keep him. She's prepared to give Maria, an amateur trollop at man-catching compared to Leanne, a thick ear if she even says "Hello" to him.

Shelley with an 'e' - as opposed to the one in the cellar in Emmerdale - falls for builder Charlie's charms. The way he handles a screwdriver is too much for her to resist.

Little does she know that he's also a granny-chaser who's moving in on Liz McDonald, whose new wardrobe seems to consist of peek-a-boo tops that have had bits cut out of them. The unthinkable happens when Liz says 'No' and rebuffs cheeky Charlie's amorous advances. Whatever next, a Walford celebration that doesn't develop into a punch-up?

Over in EastEnders (BBC1), Sharon's pout goes into overdrive as she attempts to make pretend brother Dennis jealous by flirting with a punter at Angie's Den. As the place always seems to be half-empty, she shouldn't risk frightening away one of the few customers.

Andy the gangster continues his plan to take over the Mitchell empire by seizing control of Sam the power suit queen's assets (it's legal, they're married now). Can Phil's lawyer Marcus save the day by reading the small print, which states: 'If you meddle with the Mitchells, Phil will cut orf your legs'.

Published: 23/09/2004