Not that Boyzone clip again!

Greatest Wannabe TV Moments (five)

The Truth About Celebrity Ads (five)

ENOUGH is enough. It's reached a point where the same celebrity clips are turning up in every programme.

What's an "embarrassing TV moment" one night is a "truth about boy bands" moments the next and now a "wannabe TV moment".

The number one spot here went to that oft-seen moment before Boyzone were famous and appeared on Gay Byrne's Irish TV show where they made complete idiots of themselves dancing - a term I used advisedly as a one-legged man having drunk a bottle of whiskey would show more co-ordination than this bunch.

This wasn't the end for "Ireland's answer to Take That" (as in, take that and shove it). They went on to big success. Other wannabes in this list fared less well.

Abi Titmuss moved from reporter on Richard and Judy to presenting on the Porn Channel where she looked, according to one witness, "like a hooker who's got a TV show". One of the enjoyable things about this sort of programme lies in the venomous remarks of the C-list celebrities recruited to pass judgement on those featured in the clips.

A pre-Insaniac Peter Andre was labelled "freakier than Michael Jackson" (quite some feat in itself), while the singing efforts of football manager Terry Venables was "strangely charming in an East End Kray twins sort of way".

There were even scarier sights - Simon Cowell dressed as a dog, Cat Deeley in a rubber suit and Michael Barrymore leaping around in a kangaroo suit.

The cast of The Truth About Celebrity Ads were more famous although few - Griff Rhys Jones was the exception - were willing to talk about their participation in selling things to the public in return for vast amounts of money.

Sometimes this cash is well spent. For every pound Tesco spend on the Dotty (as played by Prunella Scales) ads, they earned £40. Sounds like a good deal to me.

The royals were among the first to spot the potential of celebrity endorsement by putting a "by royal appointment" label on products they bought. Performers soon followed, although I'm unsure about the 1958 Stars Love Mars campaign in which comedian Bob Monkhouse, gobbling on a Mars, told us: "A Mars in the mouth is worth two in the shop". If Marianne Faithful had done the campaign the wording would have been different.

All too often stars emerge as little more than overpaid salesmen or women, required to stand in front of a camera and sell a product with little enthusiasm and even less imagination. There are exceptions, a young Dustin Hoffman acting his socks off selling a car, or Leonard Rossiter and Joan Collins in the amusing Cinzano commercials.

Good ads, rotten sales as people didn't remember the product. It ended up increasing sales of rival Martini.

Only when all the factors come together successfully - think Gary Lineker and Walkers crisps - are advertisers, performers and the public happy.

IN THE PICTURE

My Breasts Are Too Big and other stupid titles

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