When David Speedie made his Darlington Railway debut in the Over 40s League fourth division - last Tuesday's column - his pea-in-a-pod striking partner was Mark Lawrence, known in those quarters as Loz.
"I rather think this is the same chap who once starred for us." writes Hails of Hartlepool and - win some, Loz some - rather thinks wrongly.
"Two different lads entirely," says Railway manager Andy Scullion. Henceforth they will be known as Mark I and Mark II, though Lawrence of the Railway is almost as appropriate.
Mark II, coincidentally, also played for the Railway a couple of years ago alongside former Hartlepool team-mate Trevor Smith and all-time Quakers' hero Kevan Smith.
He's still a quality player, says Andy. Loz is "just an ordinary working lad."
Undaunted, the heroic Hails backtracks to the end of season 1978-79, Pool once again in re-election trouble and Darlington yet more greatly struggling.
Quakers, 22nd in the fourth division, lost on May 7 1979 to 19th placed Hartlepool, Mark II securing the points with a volley from the edge of the penalty area - "a goal of pure class," Ron recalls.
Thus encouraged, Pool manager Billy Horner pushed him up front for the match at Halifax nine days later. By half-time he'd scored a hat-trick, adding a fourth near the end - "a glorious goal in one majestic movement" says Ron - in the 4-2 win.
It was the first time a Hartlepool player had scored four in an away match since Kenny Johnson at Southport 22 years earlier, the 1,012 Haig Street crowd exactly the same as at The Shay.
"Lawrence makes his mark," headlined the following day's Northern Echo, reporting also that Gary Rowell was getting itchy feet at Sunderland, that Darlington's goalless draw with Northampton had eased them out of the bottom four and that dear old Arthur "Rocker" Robinson, Northallerton lad, was back in the Yorkshire cricket squad for the first time in two years.
Lawrence of Hartlepool scored just 20 goals in another 166 League appearances, incurred the club's wrath after suffering a double leg fracture in an unauthorised pre-season five-a-side for "Whitby D" and after 11 goalless appearances for Barnsley dropped into non-league football with Whitby, Bishop Auckland and Guisborough.
He lives in Yarm and will be 46 in December.
A PS from Ron Hails about his son-in-law Barry Coulter, brother of him who runs the Headland Boxing Club and member of an athletics club in Walthamstow. A couple of weeks back he finished the Great North Run in 77 minutes, finishing 88th. Mr Hails would have been happy to finish 88th in the last 100 - "even in my youth". And Barry, he mutters, a vegetarian.
Former FIFA referee George Courtney, said by golfing colleagues to have a swing like two octopuses fighting, achieved his first hole-in-one at the weekend after 39 years practice.
"I was playing like Ernie Els until that happened, then my head went a bit," reports the 63-year-old former head teacher, now Middlesbrough FC's director of community operations.
It came on the 182 yard tenth at Bishop Auckland, in a round with Newcastle United fanatic Jack Ord and former Darlington and Hartlepool goalkeeper Phil Owers, 49.
"Goalkeeper that he was, Phil tried to stop the ball going in but he's not as agile as he used to be," says George.
The big question, of course, was whether he got his hand down afterwards. "Well I was happy to," he insists, "but unfortunately it was rather early in the morning and there weren't very many about...."
The column which once commanded Tyne-Tees Television's lowest ever viewing figures - epilogue, 1972, another story - helped fill the BBC Radio Cleveland schedules for two and a half hours on Saturday afternoon.
The telly had England v Wales, stalls to finish horse racing and Coronation Street with a chap in the bottom right hand corner signing for the deaf.
Radio Cleveland - notwithstanding the admirable anchoring of Mr Len Brewer, late of Houghton-le-Spring CC - had Marske United v Willington, West Auckland v Morpeth, Middlesbrough rugby and me, talking of pyramids with the enthusiasm of an effete Egyptologist.
Audience statistics are not yet available. It is thought they may reach double figures.
Yet more improbable exposure, Norman Coleby in Middlesbrough sends the programme from Boro's UEFA Cup tie at Banik Ostrava.
"I know you get around a bit, but this seems to be stretching it," he says.
Since our knowledge of the Czech language is strictly limited, perhaps someone may be able to suggest what Amos is up to this time - and with nothing lost in the translation.
Ian McNeilly, Darlington lad and formerly a senior teacher at Richmond School, took a substantial pay cut last year to fulfil a long held ambition to work in newspapers.
It didn't work out, not on the Worksop Weekly Whatsit, anyway, though it may not be said that the teacher has learned his lesson.
"I'd still love to write full time," he insists.
For the moment, however, he's back at the chalk face and freelancing for a glossy new boxing magazine called Uppercut, first issue (£3.20) up to the oxters in Amir Khan - "re-igniting the fire in the belly of British boxing," it says.
Ian's contributions include the retrospectives - "Fistory" - beginning with Bruno v Wetherspoon, 1986, the 12th successive occasion that a British boxer had failed in a world heavyweight title bid.
"Even fight fans were compliant in this self-deceit," he writes. "They hungered for the opportunity, just for once, not to have our top heavyweights laughed at by our arrogant trans-Atlantic cousins."
He in turn may have to fight for attention with the four pages devoted to the young lady wearing little more than a tiny pair of boxer shorts and a strategically placed towel. Available on news stands, anyway.
Drawers and attics again having been turned out, Methusaleh holds its seventh football memorabilia auction at the Marton Hotel, Middlesbrough, on October 28.
Items include a collection of nine carat gold Seaham Charity Cup medals from around the First World War, a 1952 Northern League winner's medal - estimated price £250 - and a 1966 World Cup quarter-final ticket from Roker Park, which they expect to realise up to £125.
There's also a priceless lot of 21 copies of Northern Ventures Northern Gains, the Albany Northern League magazine with which these past 16 years the column has had some small connection.
After all this time, a collectors' item at last.
...and finally
The English international goalkeeper who played in Football League Cup finals for three different clubs (Backtrack, October 5) was Chris Woods - Forest, Norwich and Sheffield Wednesday.
Still ecstatic from his club's UEFA Cup success, Newcastle United programme editor Paul Tully today invites the identity of the three other Magpies - apart from Alan Shearer - who've scored hat-tricks in Europe.
Published: 12/10/2004
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