Bra-vo Simon

WHEN someone is battling to remove his bra, actor Simon Williams admits thinking very unpleasant thoughts about the author of his latest comedy play, which, of course, just happens to be himself.

The man with an aristocratic edge over other thesps, thanks to ITV's Upstairs, Downstairs and his portrayal of tragic Captain James Bellamy, has been writing novels and plays since the late 1980s.

Nobody's Fool, his sixth play, features a man, Leonard, who finds success by pretending to be female romantic novelist Myrtle Banbury. Audiences at Darlington Civic Theatre next month (November 9-13) will see how Williams the writer ensures Williams the actor raises quite a few laughs.

He says: "Me dressed up as a woman at 6ft 3 and then in high heels proposes disbelief, but adds to the fun. I think everyone enjoys the ludicrousness of men dressing up as women, we love it in Charlie's Aunt and it reminds us how very different the sexes are.

"By time I put make-up on, false lashes and wig and everything I like to think I feel like a woman. I'm only dressed up like that for 20 minutes, but then I walk down the corridor next to Lou Jameson (who co-stars as Lenny's ex-wife) and the difference is ludicrous, but the audience howl with laughter and have a wonderful time and I've never heard laughter like it."

So has he done drag before, because he's not normally associated with that type of role?

"No, I probably won't again. Every night I curse the author as an actor because I have about two minutes to get all my kit off, get the bra off and get back into the role of Lenny. I keep thinking 'why didn't he give me longer to do this' because I've got people snatching my eye-lashes off, pulling my wig off and undoing my bra, which is hysterical. It's almost funnier backstage."

So is the best way to gain a starring role to write a play for yourself? "I suppose it is, the truth of it is that I'd rather not be in it. The idea of writing plays is that I didn't necessarily have to be away from home touring. When the producer says 'I love the play but I'll only put it on if you'll be in it' that changes your view.

"Myrtle/Leonard I think I suppose was based on Jack Lemmon in The Apartment, the downtrodden man who makes good at the end. The little shy person with not much self-regard finds he works much better with a women's attire and more able to express himself, more lucid and more articulate and more extrovert. The same happens with Robin Williams in Mrs Doubtfire, it's quite a common theme.

"It was inspired by my decision to write a romantic fiction after a couple of thrillers, published by Heinneman, and I told them I wanted to write a romantic saga and they said 'under your own name? because men don't write romantic novels'. So I thought 'supposing I pretended to be a woman and wrote the book and someone said we must meet this wonderful woman writer', so that's where this play started."

Williams actually penned his latest work while in a West End run of The Constant Wife and admits "as an actor you only work for two hours of the day and there's plenty of hours to write. Some people find time for gardening and some find time for writing plays.

"It is hard, the process is the same of letting your imagination run riot as an actor and the great thing about writing is that you don't have to hold your stomach in and wait until 10 o'clock at night to have your first pint. I love the group activity of acting, but I do like the solitude of writing as well."

Williams last visit to Darlington's Civic was with The Winslow Boy about ten years ago. His first appearance was back in 1969 with The Case Of The Frightened Lady by Edgar Wallace with Valentine Dyall. He recalls it well because it was his first leading role "and I didn't have to make the tea or anything like that". The actor also remembers having to visit the police station because he'd left the address of his digs inside the theatre and found the Civic locked up after a visit to a nearby pub.

He also made two films - The Prisoner Of Zenda and The Fiendish Plot Of Dr Fu Manchu - with the legendary performer Peter Sellers.

"I've worked with two comedy geniuses in my time, he was one and Michael Crawford was the other. They could make almost anything funny," explains Williams who was due to see Crawford's latest West End performance in The Woman In White. "I helped Peter Lewis with the book he wrote about Sellers, but I don't know about this latest film. He was a very troubled soul and when he was on-song he was great, but when he was in a black mood he just didn't turn up and we'd have a day off from filming.

"At other times he'd insist we'd all have to go and have a vitamin injection to make a scene go better. He was never the same man two days running, a very mixed-up man who was far from simple.

"The great thing about Nobody's Fool is that there's a renaissance in romantic comedy. I think people do want to see a rosy, feelgood lot of laughs with a happy ending."

There are hopes that the play might become a TV sitcom. "I'd love someone like Martin Clunes or Robert Lindsay to play the Myrtle/Lenny role. They'd be wonderful\'85 I could really sit at home then. But I'll be happy if my plays are being performed somewhere and I can stand at the back and watch the audience rocking about with laughter. That's very rewarding."

* Nobody's Fool runs at Darlington Civic the week of November 9-13. Box Office: (01325) 486 555

Published: 21/10/2004