JUST what Soapland wants - another Slater girl. Stacy arrives in Albert Square next week as Slater sister Little Mo, who's been sorely missed over the past year, returns for the rape trial in EastEnders (BBC1).

Stacy pleads with her Great Uncle Charlie, a sort of East End version of Great Uncle Bulgaria, to let her stay. How can he refuse with ratings plunging to an all-time low? It's the law of the soap jungle that when one relative departs, another is waiting in a taxi to take their place.

Pity poor Billy - still a rather silly Billy - when he and wife Little Mo are reconciled for the court appearance. And how will he react to seeing her son Freddie, the result of her rape by Graham, who's in the dock?

Stacy puts on her glad rags and make-up and demands that gullible mechanic Garry, basking in the glow of his decree nisi, take her to the pub. Not a wise move, Garry. I have just two words to say: jail bait. Stacy is only 15.

The other Slater girls are having a tough time too. Kat continues to hide behind large objects to conceal her bulging stomach. She's fallen out with daughter Zoe, still moping around after being deserted by Dennis, and fallen over more often than not as a result of heavy drinking.

She goes to court and is called to the bar - of a nearby pub where she chats up a customer. Even Alfie's arrival and confession that he loves her fails to stop her drinking or continuing to get friendly with any man who says, "What are you having?".

Billy tells Little Mo her loves her - everyone go "aaah" - but gets flustered when she gives him little Freddie to hold. He doesn't know what to do, not realising that he's required to go "Cootchy, coo" and make suitably adoring noises towards the infant.

The atmosphere behind the bar of the Rovers in Coronation Street (ITV1) is as tense as a World Cup final because Liz Macdonald is back and finding it increasingly hard to be around Charlie, the builder with the bulging toolbox. She's surprised to find that increasingly silly Shelley hasn't kicked him out, especially when he starts groping her behind the bar.

Charlie pushes his luck by offering Liz a choice: get lost or get into his bed. Then we're off on the old familiar merry-go-round as Shelley catches Charlie doing the dirty, then forgives him, then he does the dirty again. For goodness sake, get a grip girl (and not of Charlie) and kick him out.

New bride Sunita is still in a police cell, where she's under suicide watch. Well, it's more entertaining than watching Strictly Come Dancing. Meanwhile, bridegroom Devious Dev is desperately seeking Mad Maya, whose clever machinations have led to Sunita's incarceration.

Elsewhere, the awful Cilla is having her whirlpool bath installed and takes great delight in flirting with plumber Billy, no doubt attracted by his sink plunger. The pair get caught by Les as Cilla is being given a "personal demonstration" of her new bathroom fitting and shown exactly what's round the U-bend.

Betty is back from down under in Emmerdale (ITV1) but where's husband Seth? They're still not speaking, which Seth should regard as a blessing in disguise. She approaches Sadie the sexy lady of the manor about a job as a housekeeper. This appeals to Sadie because she knows Betty is a good source of village gossip.

Andy's still worried that Cain will discover that he's been sleeping with his teenager daughter Debbie. Telling Debbie he loves her is foolish enough but confiding in his estranged wife Katie is downright stupid. Cain may well be reaching for his shotgun once he finds out about Andy and Debbie's affair.

Published: 28/10/2004