Growing Pains

YOUR child's first tantrum can be a real shock to the system. His explosive outbursts leave you feeling angry, powerless and exhausted. You are not alone; tantrums are very common. You have probably heard people speak of the terrible twos but tantrums can start from around 18 months and continue sometimes to five and beyond.

The key things to remember are that:

* Remaining calm is the best way to deal with tantrums.

* Tantrums are a normal stage of development and not a result of poor parenting.

* Your toddler is not trying to annoy you; he is just expressing his frustrations in the only way he can.

* He will be frightened by his feelings and by being out of control.

* During a tantrum it is pointless trying to reason with him, when the tantrum has passed, reassure him and talk about his feelings calmly.

The supermarket shop can be a stressful experience for parents and their children, but there are strategies you can try to reduce frustrations for your toddler and hopefully prevent a tantrum during your shopping trips.

Make sure he is not tired or hungry before you start; this is a certain recipe for disaster. Keep the trips as short as possible and avoid busy times e.g. Saturday mornings.

Try involving him more in the experience of shopping, deciding what you need and discussing what you will buy for lunch.

Take along a favourite toy or a book to keep him occupied and make the experience more enjoyable by chatting with him. Praise any positive behaviour e.g. "You're really helping mummy with the shopping today."

If a tantrum does start, move him to a quieter area away from an audience, stay calm and return to the shopping once the 'storm' has passed. Give as little attention to the tantrum as possible, reassure him once it has passed and continue to praise any positive behaviour.

All children are different, some children have frequent tantrums and children, like adults, have very different temperaments. Second children may also have more frustrations to deal with than first children as they are expected to share more and often struggle to keep up with an older sibling. This was certainly the case in my family. My second daughter had a volatile personality, was easily frustrated and was determined to keep up with her older sister. This resulted in numerous tantrums in the most inconvenient places. Be reassured this phase will pass. Surviving it is all about anticipating frustrating situations and avoiding them or minimising them as much as possible.

If you continue to be concerned about the frequency or severity of your child's tantrums, it may be helpful to talk to your health visitor or GP.

DO YOU NEED ADVICE?

Are you having problems with your child's behaviour? For advice on parenting issues write to Growing Pains, Features, The Northern Echo, Priestgate, Darlington, DL1 1NF.