Perfect? Well at least lovely

Beneath the heading "Is this the perfect village?", Country Life magazine carries a full page piece by the Duchess of Devonshire (no less) on Romaldkirk, west of Barnard Castle - on a shortlist of five to find "England's favourite village, 2004".

It is, of course, perfect nonsense.

Romaldkirk's lovely, its church magnificent, its people welcoming. Where, though, is the school? Where the shop or the sports field, what the proportion of children among its 150 residents?

"I have to say that I was rather surprised when I heard about it," says the delightful Joyce Hughes, 80 at Christmas. "There are quite a few eyesores around, including me."

It's 9.45 on Sunday morning, the doors of the Kirk Inn and of the Rose and Crown already open - though not, of course, for the sale of beers, wine and spirits - the sun shining upon righteous and unrighteous alike. If not a hot favourite, it's uncommonly pleasant for the last day of October.

The notice board outside the village hall and reading room proclaims everything from a visit by Dracula ("prize for the best vampire") to a belly dancing class; the stocks on the village green appear not recently to have been taken account of.

"They're for passing journalists," says the amiable Peter Midwood, Rector of Romaldkirk and neighbouring parishes.

John Knights, churchwarden and chairman of the village hall committee, gets off his chest (or wherever) that he's never been to the belly dancing class. "They tell me it's a terribly healthy activity, but I saw it once when I was on National Service in Egypt and found it revolting. They were all rather portly." Among those heading towards St Romald's is the Rt Rev David Jenkins, former Bishop of Durham and joy of journalists, who lives in nearby Cotherstone and is a month Joyce Hughes's junior.

"You look younger every time I see you," says the still vibrant Bishop David. He says that every time, too.

It is also to be the baptism of Harriet Rose Morris-Malcolm, aged 14 months, and of David Malcolm, her rather older godfather, who has flown in from Calgary for the head wetting.

Romaldkirk is in the County of Durham but the Diocese of Ripon. Until 1836, it was in the Diocese of Chester, which - since neither motor car nor M6 had been invented - meant that they saw little of the bishop, a mercy for which the Rev Robert Rodham, Rector in 1701, might particularly have been grateful.

Accused in a petition to the bishop signed by every householder of "divers misdemeanours and immoralities", he was allowed to remain until his death 12 years later.

Alexander Hilton, Rodham's prdecessor, had a son who - says the church guide book - "used to entangle certain sons and daughters of iniquity in an illegal tie on Barnard Castle bridge, where the Bishop's writ did not run."

It involved, so it's said, jumping over a broomstick.

Known locally as the Cathedral of the Dales, St Romald's itself is of Saxon origin, has many Norman features and an "extremely odd" east window above the altar, said by Nikolaus Pevsner to "look like a protest against all the rules".

The Mousey Thompson pews replaced 77 box pews in 1927, the clock chimed in 1965 when they struck a deal with Beamish Museum for the old one, the bells are 17th century and the roof was replaced 15 years ago, at a cost of £140,000.

Since it's both a double baptism and a united service for the surrounding villages, the congregation is about three times the usual 25 or so. All Saints Day has also been brought forward 24 hours to coincide, unacknowledged, with Hallowe'en.

One of the readings is of Daniel's vision of four great beasts coming out of the sea, said in Mr Midwood's sermon to be "surreal" and compared - perhaps for the first time in theological history - to the award-winning Guinness commercial where sea horses did much the same thing.

David is baptised first, his face immersed in the font and (it has to be said) regarding the proceedings rather more placidly than his god daughter, gorgeous and bonny bonneted, whose feelings are both loud and clear.

"She should have gone first," says someone, a little inexplicably.

"Awww," says everyone else, in sympathy.

"She expelled 1,000 demons at the same time," says the homeward Bishop David.

"I thought it was all very emotional," says David Malcolm, Harriet's father's identical twin.

Afterwards there's coffee, cake and a copy of Country Life. "Romaldkirk is a prime example of a present day village which achieves the right balance between maintaining traditions and being open to change for the benefit of the community," writes the Duchess, who lives in Derbyshire and is not known as a regular visitor to North-Eastern parts.

Joyce Hughes, born and bred in Romaldkirk and still in possession of the commendation awarded for her work at Middleton-in-Teesdale signal box in the fearful winter of 1947 - "I think it was just for getting there," she says, modestly - was the eldest pupil, of six, when the village school closed in 1938.

She also recalls two shops, a railway station (where only the home signal remains), and the big house owners around the green employing maids, cooks and gardeners.

Gilbert Beal, Rector for 41 years until 1930, not only brought two maids with him but paid for the restoration of the chancel out of his own pocket.

Peter Midwood, means doubtless more modest, says that the nomination is all very well but that what's important in a village is community spirit. Others lament the lack of parking for the many visitors, the shortage of volunteers and (whisper it) the number of second home owners.

While happy to leave Country Life to country cousins, John Knights has no doubt that Romaldkirk is a good place to be. "It's got a lot going for it, undoubtedly. Our two sons are down south and we spend a lot of time there. I don't know about perfect, but to us, coming back is absolute heaven."

Whether the rest of England agrees will be announced by the magazine next Thursday.

www.thisisthenortheast.co.uk/features/