On TV

Bomber Crew (Ch4)

WILL someone please tell Dennis Rickman to choose between his teenage girlfriend and his sister?

The tiresome threesome has been going on for far too long and now I don't really care whose bed he finally decides to lie in. Not that the most gorgeous man in the square has much of a choice.

Zoe never stops whining and has lost that youthful spark and energy that ever made her attractive. Of course, all young girls get infatuated with handsome guys but what does the brooding barman see in her drippy character?

The alternative is the slightly psychotic Sharon, who has had a look of the bunny boiler about her in recent weeks. Since returning to the Square, Sharon has worked her way round most of the East End's men, so it's no surprise that all she's got left is her step-brother.

Since Dennis got back from his trip - wasn't he meant to be deciding what he wanted? What a waste of time that was - Sharon has smouldered in her unique way, looking like some mad Ivana Trump wannabe.

You'd never believe her step-mum was a hairdresser - why doesn't Chrissie steal her bottle of peroxide before her hair turns into a bale of straw and falls out in clumps during her next catfight?

But the main reason we need to see an end to the Sharon-Dennis-Zoe affair is so Letitia Dean can smile.

That woman has lips that most Hollywood stars would die for and not a scene passes when she doesn't pout like a guppy at Grimsby docks.

Who needs Botox when your mouth is bigger than a lovechild's of Mick Jagger and Angelina Jolie?

For Letitia's own sake and that of her future acting prospects, the writers have to give her another emotion to conjure with, otherwise the wind might change and that fish face will stick forever.

Over on Ch4 there were more serious matters than love affairs to be dealt with.

Bomber Crew took five grandchildren of Second World War pilots and put them through the training faced by their ancestors.

Over the next four weeks, the young people will be brought up to speed and eventually sent out to complete their own mock bombing raid.

This isn't the first time that programme makers have set out to teach the younger generation that they don't know they're born.

What will make this series work is the personal interest the young recruits have in recreating what their grandfathers went through.

Not only do they have to get to grips with the technicalities of flying a plane but also the emotional realisation of what their granddads did in the war and whether they would really be able to do the same.

Gary Wilmot - My Kind Of Music, Newcastle Theatre Royal

AT first sight, one of the UK's most popular showmen looks pale and sounds husky as he arrives in full evening suit to front the opening number with his guests, the London Gospel Choir. Alone with pianist/confidante Mike Alexander and his orchestra, Wilmot is transformed. Off comes the dicky bow and jacket and, aided by the occasional sip of water, the singer roars through his six successful West End shows and the seventh - The Goodbye Girl - "where I was all right, but the backers weren't very happy".

Wilmot is a wonder at knowing when to poke fun at himself and when to summon up that belter of a voice to bring roars of approval for extracts from Carmen Jones, My And My Girl or Oliver! But only he could sing while pretending he's got his hand caught in a trumpet, while trying to show how the great Louis Armstrong created Wonderful World.

In the second half, he's a little self-indulgent and repeats his party piece of singing Happy Birthday to fans in the style of their favourite music. There's also room to remind us of his marriage split 13 years ago with a song specially written for his daughter. Long may Wilmot wear his heart on his sleeve - his audience loves him warts and all.

Viv Hardwick

The Golden Bird, The Caedmon Hall, Gateshead

IF enjoyment of a play can be measured by body language, then my four-year-old son Jack loved this Northern Stage presentation. It wasn't so much his clapping as his rolling onto his back and kicking his legs in the air with delight that made me realise this show is a hit.

From the moment we stepped inside the theatre, decked like a circus marquee in bright red and yellow, we knew we were in for magic and merriment. The cast - a ringmaster, an aerialist, a clown and a musician - were introduced with Clanger-like whistle noises, which won the children's confidence immediately.

The play centres around a golden bird, who lives above the city with her husband. But one day, she is sold to a wealthy merchant, who tries to keep her tethered. Hating her loss of freedom, she refuses to sing for the merchant. Finally, she tricks him by pretending to die of a broken heart.

There's plenty of repetitive farce for the kids. If finding hats, coats, bags and shoes wasn't fun enough, the mention of sweaty socks and stinky vests had the house in uproar. There was also plenty of shouting and cheering, but the tempo mellowed for the bird's gentle songs and trapeze work, ending with a downpour of white feathers.

At an hour long, this is a perfect performance for under sixes, and would be an ideal introduction to the theatre for any toddler. Children will love it - and adults will love seeing the kids whooping with delight.

Christine Fieldhouse

* Runs until January 8. Box office 0871 7000 12