I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here (ITV1)

The Paul O'Grady Show (ITV1)

YOU switch on after a week away from the noble art of TV reviewing and find that nothing much has changed.

Celebrities are still in the jungle, Natalie "I touched a tree" Appleton continues to witter on even though she's no longer in camp and Joe Pasquale is still constipated.

Never mind about the introduction of identity cards, the continued trouble in Iraq or the alleged misuse of ministerial power - our prime cause of concern is Joe Pasquale's bowel movements. Number twos are the number one topic, so to speak.

I didn't even try to avoid watching I'm A Celebrity this time round, knowing full well that after a couple of instalments, I'd be hooked on the petty squabbles, scheming, cheating and Joe's toilet habits. I like him, which is something I've never felt obliged to say after seeing him perform as a comedian.

Being in the prolonged company of these jungle people make us alter our preconceptions about them. Besides, it's not the winning that counts but playing the game - and taking advantage of the offers that result from exposure to millions of viewers round the clock. Expect Hogan the koala to get a place in the next Celebrity Big Brother house.

It's rewarding to see that viewers are better at playing the games than the contestants. You can't fool all of the people any of the time. How we all cheered as, time after time, Natalie won the public vote of the sadistically-inclined audience to perform the bushtucker trials. In the same way, the public voted out Nancy after she fail to provide the show with its first bonk with hubby Vic Reeves.

Amateur psychologists can have a field day analysing who's doing what to whom and why. I still haven't figured out what bra model Sophie Anderton has done to offend so many of the camp when Natalie "It's all in the editing" Appleton was proving herself the most irritating person.

Paul O'Grady was speaking for us all when he declared on his talk show: "Don't put Natalie on this programme or I'll slap her." I confess to becoming addicted to The Paul O'Grady Show during my holiday. This is the type of relaxed, informal and often predictable chat show you want around teatime, not Richard and Judy being precious and patronising. Mr Madeley runs Natalie a close second when it comes to being irritating.

And I can't really see Richard and Judy introducing their pets on the show, but O'Grady does. His dog Buster is a regular and his rooster made its debut on the programme this week. On how many other talk shows have you heard a guest complain - as Max Beesley did - that he'd been pooed on by the host's rooster?

Teatime will be a poorer place when the show ends its run on Friday. I fear that Des And Mel, with all their baby talk, will be a poor substitute.