WHEN Graeme Souness examines the defensive options he inherited when he took over at St James' Park in September, he must feel like a blackjack player who has just been dealt 15.
He can stick or he can twist but, ultimately, it matters little because the odds are always going to be stacked against him.
Faced with Premiership pace-setters Chelsea on Saturday, the Newcastle boss twisted - bringing back veteran centre-half Ronny Johnsen to partner Titus Bramble.
For an hour, the ploy seemed to work as the Magpies more than matched a Chelsea side still on track to achieve an unprecedented quadruple.
But, as any experienced card player will tell you, it just takes one decisive move from your opponent to change the complexion of a game.
By the final whistle, Newcastle had well and truly gone bust.
It doesn't help, of course, when you're playing with a loaded deck and, while Souness was dealt a poor hand from the moment he took over on Tyneside, Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho has trump cards at every turn.
Didier Drogba was the ace up his sleeve and, while the second-half substitute didn't quite inspire a five-card trick, his subtle blend of strength and skill ensured Newcastle would suffer a four-goal drubbing.
Those four goals mean Newcastle's defenders have now conceded 31 in 16 Premiership games making them, statistically at least, the worst backline in the top-flight.
That's saying something given the paucity of talent on display at Blackburn, Southampton and West Brom, but that's exactly how it looked during the final half-hour on Saturday as both Johnsen and Bramble suffered calamitous lapses as Chelsea moved into top gear.
The former was nowhere to be seen as Frank Lampard controlled Drogba's cushioned header on his chest and had all the time in the world to fire a venomous volley past a shell-shocked Shay Given.
And the latter was simply shrugged aside as Drogba - Newcastle's nemesis in the semi-final of the UEFA Cup last season - swivelled on the edge of the box and fired a precise low drive into the corner of the net shortly after.
"From looking like a composed and proper football team, all of a sudden we became very ragged," admitted Souness.
"When the ball came down to Frank Lampard, he had time to chest it down and then volley it into the goal - you simply cannot get that sort of time in the penalty area.
"The second goal's worse. Titus has simply been pushed off the ball. Titus might be the strongest man in English football - so that cannot happen.
"When young players start to get tired, their legs send a message to their head telling it that they're tired and they need a rest.
"When you're that little bit older and more experienced, your head tells your legs to bugger off and get on with it.
"Right now, we're conceding goals because we've got some young players in the team and they can't get that message across.
"We're losing goals because we're physically tired."
Given the fact that Newcastle had failed to win in their previous 15 visits to Stamford Bridge, their second-half collapse should have come as no surprise.
But, prior to Lampard's 63rd-minute opener, it was actually the visitors who looked most likely to claim all three points.
With Kieron Dyer overshadowing Lampard at the heart of midfield, and both Jermaine Jenas and Lee Bowyer flying into every tackle going, the Magpies were on the front foot for most of the first half as Chelsea found themselves unable to establish any kind of attacking platform.
Dyer's defence-splitting through ball sent Craig Bellamy galloping clear in the 25th minute but, after Petr Cech had blocked his improvised effort with his legs, Laurent Robert blasted the rebound narrowly wide from the edge of the area.
It was just as well that Bellamy was as willing as ever because, alongside him in attack, Patrick Kluivert displayed a degree of indifference that even Robert has failed to reach in some of his more moribund moments.
With Alan Shearer ready to return against Portsmouth, Kluivert could not have sent a clearer message to his manager had he followed the recent trend for T-shirt slogans by removing his top to reveal the words "Drop me" emblazoned across his chest.
Eidur Gudjohnsen sent out a similar message, wasting Chelsea's only first-half opportunity by shooting wide after Johnsen's appalling close control had left him bearing down on goal.
By the time the Norwegian had miscontrolled Bramble's pass, the ball was further away from him than it had been when it was passed to him in the first place. Quite an achievement.
Worse was to come in the second half though as Drogba replaced Gudjohnsen to instant effect, nodding down for Lampard to fire in the opener before adding the second himself.
Arjen Robben made it three with a magnificent solo effort one minute from time, brushing aside Bowyer before turning inside Steven Taylor to add to the individual effort he scored in last month's Carling Cup clash on Tyneside.
And there was still time for Mateja Kezman, who had earlier hit the post, to open his Chelsea account from the penalty spot after Given had sent Damien Duff tumbling inside the area.
"The defence was an issue before I came to the club," admitted Souness.
"And we still have to address it. It's up to me ultimately to try to get some new defenders in. If I can't do that, then it's up to me to improve on the ones I've got.
"But I'm not going to forced into buying players that don't improve the squad.
"If I sign someone in January, they're going to have to be better than the players I've already got here. People in my position have been forced into that before."
Buying a card is normally seen as the last resort for a blackjack player desperately chasing their losses.
For Souness, buying a centre-half could be the only way to stem the current downward slide.
Result: Chelsea 4 Newcastle United 0.
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